Given the vast number of subscribers to this service, I'm sure between us we must have seen some pretty funny :D , scary :eek: or just plain weird :nope: things during audits over the years.

As it's Friday, would anyone care to share their experiences to provide the rest of us with some cheap entertainment? Names should be changed to protect the guilty...

As it's Friday, would anyone care to share their experiences to provide the rest of us with some cheap entertainment? Names should be changed to protect the guilty...By all means. :D This little mishap occured before I even took up auditing myself, probably in the mid 80's:To make a long story wonderfully short a bunch of external auditors (2-part audit) disregarded all kinds of warnings and stepped very close to a wheel loader coming right off the line, while it was being started for the very first time. Then it happened... A hydraulic hose let go, and you all know what that means, right?

The thing started whipping around like an agitated snake while distributing oil in a very random fashion... S-t-r-i-i-i-k-e! It got them all, and let me tell you, it got them good. I mean: We've all seen drips in suits, but have you ever seen a dripping suit? I nearly hurt myself trying to stifle my laughter before I was able to slip around a corner and let it loose.:lmao:

Before you ask: No, I was not their guide. I just happened to be there.

/Claes

I just wanted to say there's an old thread entitled "World's Funniest Audit Stories" or similar in the Auditing forum. World's Funniest Audit Experiences (http://elsmar.com/Forums/showthread.php?t=2339).

This is not meant to discourage anyone from posting, but to provide additional entertainment. It's been a long, long week.

Please, keep them coming!

That is pretty funny Claes.


The funniest thing I have ever seen happened during our pre-assessment. We had a really tall dutch auditor. He was auditing in Georgia (USA) in a very southern town. The lady that he was interviewing was really short and had a strong southern accent so there was a communication barrier not to mention the fact that she only came us to his knees. The auditor got down on his knees in the middle of the production floor so that he could talk to her face to face.

That is pretty funny Claes.


The funniest thing I have ever seen happened during our pre-assessment. We had a really tall dutch auditor. He was auditing in Georgia (USA) in a very southern town. The lady that he was interviewing was really short and had a strong southern accent so there was a communication barrier not to mention the fact that she only came us to his knees. The auditor got down on his knees in the middle of the production floor so that he could talk to her face to face.

WOW!!! AN AUDITOR ON HIS KNEES!!!!!
you should have a picture of that.
Isn't that sort of like the "man bites dog" story

James

One of our internal auditors wrote a finding against the housekeeping practices (or lack thereof) on our shipping and receiving dock. When challenged by the area manager, she lead him out onto the dock, and straight to several piles of animal feces (later determined to be that of several of the local raccoons). No further disagreements ensued. :rolleyes:

One of our internal auditors wrote a finding against the housekeeping practices (or lack thereof) on our shipping and receiving dock. When challenged by the area manager, she lead him out onto the dock, and straight to several piles of animal feces (later determined to be that of several of the local raccoons). No further disagreements ensued. :rolleyes:


Now David, that's not the first time an audit has uncovered a pile of...oops, I mean, uh... :o

Now David, that's not the first time an audit has uncovered a pile of...oops, I mean, uh... :o

After a registration audit, the staff took me out to lunch. The HR lady, who was a little chubby, went to the toilet. And when she came back she was dragging a four foot length of toilet paper. It was hanging out of her skirt.

That was the funniest thing I ever saw. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

After a registration audit, the staff took me out to lunch. The HR lady, who was a little chubby, went to the toilet. And when she came back she was dragging a four foot length of toilet paper. It was hanging out of her skirt.

That was the funniest thing I ever saw. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Is it your belief that chubbiness and toilet paper dragging are positively correlated? If you have data, I'd like to see it, because I might be at risk:eek: .

Is it your belief that chubbiness and toilet paper dragging are positively correlated? If you have data, I'd like to see it, because I might be at risk:eek: .
No, no data. It is just that the fact that she was chubby made me laugh my *** off harder.

In the metal fab area of a shop, they used a good deal of mineral sprits to wipe down the metal. While being audited, for 14001, one of the associates was asked about the fire hazzard lockers. We had spent some coin on 15 - 20 of these lockers so it wasn't just a cabinet painted red.

The associate walks over to the locker and while opening the door - Lights a cigarette!!!!
The auditor, who has lost all color from her face, is starting to write the NC while moving backwards. But the locker is empty.
Seems it was a new work station they were setting up and had not yet stocked the lockers.

Was this recent? We haven't had smoking in the work place in years in NY.

The funniest would take far too much text to explain, and isn’t really fit for publishing, but another is amusing in its own right. I was inspecting some small support buildings on an Air Force test range. I routinely use a small circuit tester to ensure AC plugs are wired correctly when doing safety checks (correct wiring lights the two outside neon lamps). On the way out the door of one building I stuck the hand-held checker into a wall mounted power strip, and when I did the strip EXPLODED with a loud POW!, fire shot out, and it began smoking. Once I recovered from the shock of what happened, I naturally made notes about it and cited the strip for having shorted out when tested.

A couple of days after the report was published, the manager of the site called me quite irate about that finding saying he couldn’t believe I had written it up. I laughed and asked him what he expected when it had blown up in a routine test.

He then stated, “Well you shouldn't write up something YOU caused. It never would have blown up if YOU hadn’t stuck that tester in it!”

(He was serious (and didn't last long in that position either))

Well i have been part of many many audits on both sides and there are two that stand out in my mind os being really a sign of the times for the old QS9000.

After completing a document review aduit we went to the floor at 10:00 am and continued to audit the floor for work instruction compliances and control plan frequencies.
After being on the floor for half an hour we saw operators filling in the II sheets for the regular checks, Of course we go over and review there findings and low and behold each one of them was filing out there findings for the next three checks.

We were there at 10:00 am and they had completed there checks for the entire day until 3:00 pm. When asked why, they answered by saying that the product never changes so why not just get ahead.

Made for an intresting debate with my management team.

After being on the floor for half an hour we saw operators filling in the II sheets for the regular checks, Of course we go over and review there findings and low and behold each one of them was filing out there findings for the next three checks.

We were there at 10:00 am and they had completed there checks for the entire day until 3:00 pm. When asked why, they answered by saying that the product never changes so why not just get ahead.

Made for an intresting debate with my management team.
Interestingly, one of my correspondents told me last week about a federal indictment
(http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/whitecollarcrime_blog/2005/06/military_parts_.html)
Indictment in pdf format here
http://www.usdoj.gov/usao/pae/News/Pr/2005/jun/anco.pdf

as a result of a similar situation.

The basics:
a manufacturer of titanium tubing for a Navy plane built by a joint venture of Boeing and Bell "fudged" the inspection reports.

there was a plane accident resulting in the grounding of the entire fleet of the planes.

The titanium tubing was NOT the proximate cause of the accident, but during the course of the investigation, some nonconforming tubing WAS found. A couple of lower level Quality inspectors at the tubing manufacturer pled out and offered to testify against higher level executives that it was the practice of the manufacturer to skip the actual tests and just fill out the reports.

I, of course, wrote backThe press stories are informative in that they say the material was NOT at fault for the crash. There is a good chance that excellent attorneys can beat this case. There is an even better chance than an "adequate" attorney can work a deal for a "wrist slap" for the defendants - it's obvious there is no money in the defendants' pockets or they would have never been taken into custody. Well-paid attorneys would have worked a deal for them to surrender for a preliminary hearing and be released on bail. Since there is probably no money, the fines are just inflammatory rhetoric on the part of the feds; the fines are only levied by the judge if there is a chance of recovering them.

You can bet your sweet bippy the prosecutors looked into nuclear and any other customers they could find out about in an attempt to find more charges.

Reading between the lines and interposing my own experience, I think these guys under indictment are just fools who cut corners, being confident the manufacturing methods were adequate to prevent failure without going into extra cost to perform all the prescribed inspections and functional tests. (It's easy to lull yourself into that attitude when all the tests you DO perform come out clean.) The bigger point is they are probably just scapegoats thrown on the sacrificial pyre to save Boeing and Bell from having their bacon fried.

These guys certainly deserve a dope slap or two and maybe a year or two in prison to serve as a deterrent to others. The fact remains countless small and large businesses are guilty of these kinds of "shortcuts" every day. A large part of the reason is they didn't have the strength of character to charge a fair price in the beginning to make an adequate profit, so they decided to chisel some profit elsewhere in the process.

Part of the blame has to stay with Boeing and Bell which (in my guesstimation) whipsawed a relatively new manufacturer into giving them "preferential" pricing without adequately assuring themselves the manufacturer had the capability, capacity, and character (as well as adequate capital) to make their product at the price bargained with no hiccups.

The information in this count:
23. In or about August 2002, titanium tubing manufactured by defendant ANCO-TECH that had been installed in the back-up brake system of a V-22 Osprey failed a routine test performed by Boeing. As a result, Boeing and Bell isolated their supplies of titanium tubing manufactured by defendant ANCO-TECH, and performed a functional pressure test on samples of each heat lot of tubing. Approximately 25% of the ANCO-TECH tubing failed the pressure test.
only discusses what was discovered in the tenth or eleventh year of the contract. Was any testing done prior to this? If yes, what did it find? Beyond omitting tests, did Anco change its manufacturing system to account for such gross failure? When did that happen? Why did that happen? Can the problem be traced to a faulty billet of titanium? There are as many open questions as a result of this indictment as there are answered ones.
I found this reference in Google:
http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/whitecollarcrime_blog/2005/06/military_parts_.html

I had been escorting the auditor in 1998 for ISO 9002 registration audit when an auditor (during factory audit) asked what are our preparations in case of fire. We told him what our preparations are though we do not expect it would happen for some reason. Very next day we had fire in our factory.

Laura,

It was about 3 years ago now. I don't know what the shop is doing now but when I left you could still smoke on the shop floor (very large stamping plant) but not in the offices.

Wow - I"ve been gone for 6 years + and even then at least 2 years prior were 'smoke free' - times are changing.

Interestingly, one of my correspondents told me last week about a federal indictment......


Wes,

Thats not funny....... but thanks for the link. Very interesting story. I have been looking for something like this, to scare management about a cavaliar approach to c of c's

We have smoking in the shop areas as I write this. As soon as you walk out the office doors smoking is permitted.

For some reason - this thread is posting very 'wide' on my screen - where I have to use the bottom scroll bar to read. I wonder if its me or the thread (using Firefox.)

Laura (and Marc?), I get the same thing - very difficult to read, panning so far right. I'm also using Firefox.

This happens to me occasionally as well. This whole thread is not wide like that; only page two of it.

This happens to me occasionally as well. This whole thread is not wide like that; only page two of it.
Ditto, and I'm using IE 6 here. It appears to be just an occassional failure of the browser to render the page properly, and can ususally be cured by closing the browser and restarting it.

I'm somewhat disappointed in this thread, as I'm a 3rd Party Registrar Auditor and I always try to be fair with the folks I've audited and not play games with people. Judging from the threads here (and some of the other threads noted), either my attitude toward my clients/ISO (I'm honest with you and I'm assuming you're honest with me) makes me a lone figure in my field or there is a lot of gameplaying going on and NOT necessarily by the 3rd Party Auditors.

I don't doubt people have had bad/interesting experiences and that there aren't 2-headed monster auditors out there, but when I read comments like consultants' encouraging their clients to be "ready to fight" (rather than discuss a point, like civilized professionals) or management reps seeing suspect boxes of material laying around and standing over them with a "long skirt" to hide it, it saddens me. I always tell my clients, your Registrar Auditor will not find all the weaknesses of a system, because we randomly sample within the time constraints of the audit and what areas we are scheduled to review. If a sites' management feels like they've "put one over on the Auditor", you're not hurting the Auditor....but you are hurting your own or your managements' credibility in the eyes of your employees (which could also account for some of the comments on the Cove, from folks that think ISO is a joke).

We, too, have our horror/funny stories about ISO audits; I'll share 2 with you.

1) During an audit of a facility, the Director was quite nervous throughout, particularly about how well the system was documented. At one point during the audit, Auditors found numerous out-of-date/critical documents in use. While the Auditor was pointing out these various documents, as the Auditor was holding the Quality Manual in his hands, the Director was ripping out the pages in question and indicating that "that should resolve the problem". The moron had no comprehension of short term/long term corrective action and that correcting something on the spot doesn't negate the need for root cause analysis or PA, to make sure it doesn't happen again. :lmao: DUHHH!!! I, like some of you in this thread, had to stiffle a laugh. (Inspite of the Directors' "immediate corrective action", the site did not pass and required a second visit).

2) During a week long audit with 2 Auditors, on the first day, a Major NC was found (which would delay a recommendation to register the company, and require a follow-up visit). During the next 4 days, 7 more Major NC's were found. Every morning of this audit a "debrief" meeting was held with all management invited, to discuss the previous days' findings. While the MRep always attended, the President of the company, made a brief appearance on the first day and was clearly not interested and did not attend these daily debriefs (this predates the 2000 Std. which has put a great deal more emphasis on upper managment involvement). We, unsuspecting and non-game playing Auditors, as we were, relied on the MRep to keep the President posted (which the MRep told us, he had). At the closing meeting, we discovered that the MRep lacked both a spine and other typically male anatomy, when the President went ballistic (yes, that is the right word), and found out for the first time that the site would not pass and would require a 2nd visit. Seems our MRep was not only NOT telling him about the MAJOR's, but told him everything was just fine!!! The closing meeting ended 2.5 hours later, as we couldn't leave the President or the site, until we had calmed everyone down and made our points (this should have been a 15 minute meeting, but the President spent most of the 2.5 hours yelling and blaming the Auditors and his own people, alternately). Throughout this 2.5 hours, the MRep literally stood in a corner, in the shadows :ca: and had to be invited to speak up to confirm what the Auditors had seen. What a jerk!! Talk about gameplaying. The "laugh" in this for the Auditors, was that we were not only grateful that we didn't work in that environment on a daily basis, but that after we had left, we found out the President had to barracade all 20 people in the room and continued his diatribe and ranting for another 2 hrs. (Frankly, it served them right, as we also found out, everyone knew what the MRep was doing and they figured the President would wear down the 2 Auditors and get the site passed...NOT).

Please keep in mind, if y'all are having a good laugh at our expense, after we've left your facility...just, maybe, we're having a good laugh, too!! ;)

These do appear to be 'horror stories' not 'funny' but I think there is room for humor in a 'honest' and non-game playing situations. There are probably more stories similar to yours - can probably be found in a Dilbert somewhere - but that's the beauty of humor. If we can't take a look at the lighter side of things that happen in our job then its time to find a different job.

It might not be that funny, but it was funny to me:

At one company, our external ISO 14001 auditor was an all right guy, but kind of smug and sometimes audited more based on opinion and less on the standard.

At one audit, we had him set up in the conference room with our business manual to check it for compliance before he hit the shop floor. He decided that we needed those light switch plate stickers that remind people to turn off the lights when they left a conference room. (I don’t even think those things are effective, but I digress). At that company, the culture was such that everyone always turned out the lights. It wasn’t a spoken thing, it just worked like that. I was deeply embarrassed the first time I was last one out of a conference room and a coworker came back to shut the lights off. After that, I never forgot again.

After a while, we were able to convince the auditor that they weren’t needed at our facility, and he decided not to write it up (I know, I know).

Once he was done with the desk bit of his audit, he came out of the conference room and said “Okay, I’m ready to go into the plant now.” Our EMR had to say “Sorry, but could you just run back and shut out the lights before we go?”

I wonder if that switch plate sticker would have reminded him? At first, I thought he was trying to make a point, until I saw the shade of crimson he turned when he went to kill the lights.

That's great.....

These do appear to be 'horror stories' not 'funny' but I think there is room for humor in a 'honest' and non-game playing situations. There are probably more stories similar to yours - can probably be found in a Dilbert somewhere - but that's the beauty of humor. If we can't take a look at the lighter side of things that happen in our job then its time to find a different job.


I agree, except when the laugh is at the expense of any person, in this case the auditors. Whether or not intended, I was left with the impression that some of the comments were laughing at, not with us.

jc,

I thought that auditors had gator skin. :rolleyes:
For the most part we are the on the auditee side, so most of our stories will be from that perspective. I would speculate that a majority of us have had some really bad experiences with auditors. I know I have asked some to leave the property and not return.
On the other side, I've seen guys that would fight a bear with a toothpick and not think twice about it but put an auditor in front of them and they melt. They wouldn't be able to find their head with both hands.
I know I've done some bone headed things in audits (only in my younger days) and I hope someone got a big belly laugh out of it. You just can't take stuff too seriously - life is way too short for that. :truce:
If it wasn't for being able to laugh I would be insane.
You already are.
No I'm not.
Yes you are.
No I'm not.
:mg: ;)

I agree, except when the laugh is at the expense of any person, in this case the auditors. Whether or not intended, I was left with the impression that some of the comments were laughing at, not with us.

Maybe a couple hear and there, but I went back and 'skimmed' both threads and if anything folks were laughing at themselves or others in the organization. No one was intentionally 'laughing at' auditors from what I could see - maybe a situation involving an auditor - and its a been there, done that for most. Peace jcbodie - no one was trying to 'laugh at the auditors expense....' just laugh.

I guess this is kind of funny now but...

It was our first or second time with an external auditor. I was responsible for getting the plant procedures in order, which in most cases meant writing them, putting them in binders, etc. One of our bagging machines' manual was in a control room next door to the bagger building, and I swear I had told the Operator about its location, and the training records said that he had been trained to them.

The auditor walks in and asks the Operator about his procedures, and, of course eventually asks to see his manual. From the desk drawer there in the bagger building the Operator pulls out a "manual" he had gone to the trouble of making for himself. It even had "MANUAL" handwritten accross the front, and copies of the bagging machine owner's manual and blank forms inside.

:rolleyes:

And, yes, although I could see he was trying not to, the auditor had to laugh.

Bring it on...

I used to be a bench chemist and my office was the first in a line of offices in the lab. Each having a window facing the lab. The day of our pre-assessment audit, the management rep and the one of the auditors turned the corner and looked at me. Being the smartalech that I am, I raised hands and made a "cross" with my index fingers hoping to ward off the evil spirit (wink, nod). Of course, the auditor made sure he recipricated by visiting me first. We passed anyway. I think we had a couple minors those 2 days but they were complete before the auditors left.

This didn’t happen to me, but it was one of our safety manager’s favorite stories throughout his entire career:

Several years ago our safety manager was assigned the duty of escorting an auditor on his rounds to all the different locations in our company. The auditor was introverted, shy, and very quiet. Any attempt to start a conservation with him all week went nowhere. Finally near week’s end, after miles and miles of riding together in total silence for days, they were riding by a large field while returning from a site. The auditor looked at a cow standing on the crest of a small hill, turned to the safety manager and asked, “Do you know the difference in an inspector and an auditor?”

Hungry for any kind of conservation, the safety manager replied, “No, not really, what is it?”

The auditor pointed to the cow and stated, “An inspector would say that is a brown cow up on that hill, but to an auditor, I can only say that it’s a cow that is brown on the side facing us.”

They then looked at one another briefly, and after that the silence returned for the remainder of the drive.

That's a sad story:nopity:

Over lunch one day, a group of mid-level managers had a great time writing a work instruction for the formation and delivery of spitballs. (We were a little slap happy after writing a whole lot of documents) We had a ball trying to come up with a unit of measure for the right amount of spit, and similar ISO-esque wording.

We typed it up, had it signed off, and sent it around to folks as a joke...except for one person, who apparently didn't have a sense of humor, who put it in his work instruction book, and, you guessed it, it got picked up during an audit.

Thankfully the auditor had a sense of humor. :applause: Spitballs were not in our scope. :biglaugh:

I may have posted this before, but when I was a junior reliability engineer investigatin a warranty complaint, there was a 'fly' in the carberator. I was previously 'warned' about making sure I was being thorough .....meanwhile maintaining a response time as required. I had a pretty good repore with my boss, but at the same time he wanted to read all of my analyses. So I wrote that the 'fly' did not have any of our solvalsol test fluid in his lungs, thereforee entered the process after our facility. At first he questioned whether or not I actually did the analysis....... Not for nothing, the 'fly' probably caused the warranty claim as it was in the carburetor float bowl and trapped in the fuel passage, but certainly not GM 'fault'

Over lunch one day, a group of mid-level managers had a great time writing a work instruction for the formation and delivery of spitballs. (We were a little slap happy after writing a whole lot of documents) We had a ball trying to come up with a unit of measure for the right amount of spit, and similar ISO-esque wording.

We typed it up, had it signed off, and sent it around to folks as a joke...except for one person, who apparently didn't have a sense of humor, who put it in his work instruction book, and, you guessed it, it got picked up during an audit.

Thankfully the auditor had a sense of humor. :applause: Spitballs were not in our scope. :biglaugh:
Actually, if you think about it, the guy who put it in his "book" had the best sense of humor - he kept it to spring on the next guy [auditor]! That was droll!

Years ago I was in a company that had procedures for anything you can imagine.
During the document review the external auditor had seen a procedure for cleaning up spilt coffee ( in the list of procedures )

During the opening meeting of the certification audit he deliberately spilled coffee - they did not follow the procedure to clean it up - he wrote a non conformity right after the opening meeting.

You can find this an " over - reacting " by the auditor, but in my opinion he gave a strong signal to the company and made it clear that if you write something you have to act accordingly.

I found this a good one anyway.

Years ago I was in a company that had procedures for anything you can imagine.
During the document review the external auditor had seen a procedure for cleaning up spilt coffee ( in the list of procedures )

During the opening meeting of the certification audit he deliberately spilled coffee - they did not follow the procedure to clean it up - he wrote a non conformity right after the opening meeting.

You can find this an " over - reacting " by the auditor, but in my opinion he gave a strong signal to the company and made it clear that if you write something you have to act accordingly.

I found this a good one anyway.
I once reviewed an aerospace company that had a 32-page "Procedure" for shipping labels that included the allowable chemical analyses for the various types of glue on different kinds of labels. The chemical analyses were in addenda to the 32 pages, bringing the total to nearly 100 pages. Included in the addenda were the chemical compositions of inks on pre-printed labels (logo, etc.)

Nobody at the company thought it the least bit "odd." I guess some folks would rather fell a forest to make the paper for their documents than see the forest.

.....The auditor pointed to the cow and stated, “An inspector would say that is a brown cow up on that hill, but to an auditor, I can only say that it’s a cow that is brown on the side facing us.”......

Obviously a fan of Robert Heinlein (Stranger in a Strange Land).

Those of you who grok will know, the rest will never understand.
:)

At least 20 years ago I had a customer who sold the part I made for them to Ford. Ford wanted my customer to go to a 'Q-1' status, (less fussy back then to get Q-1) and wanted to inspect the production process. Embarrassed to admit that they did not make the part, I was talked into bringing a press into their plant, salt the area with parts on the floor (small gaskets), becoming an employee for the day to answer questions, and play the audit on the fly.

The auditor from Ford was very open to an early lunch. Drinks took their toll, he signed off on the process with minimal inspection, and, to my surprise, the Q-1 status and blue flag was granted to my customer. (This would never happen today). The part died in a couple of years and my customer and I sort of lost touch. Last month (after 18 years) this same company called and asked for help on getting rid of their Q-1 status, it is costing them too much money. "Why are you calling me? " I asked. It turns out that over all these years, I was the contact person for Ford that never seemed to be available! Needless to say, I passed on their request!!! They don't know what to do, which, for some strange reason, I find rather humorous and thought it may fit the thread.

What a hoot!

They should just tell Ford that their contact person retired and assign a new person. What a tangled web we weave...

It sure does fit. Thanks for sharing it.

Dave

During my company's initial registration to the previous ISO standard we decided it would be a good idea to pass out T-Shirts to everyone with our mission statement on them - to help promote the program - and at the time we thought they had to memorize it - problem was - we use the same drab gray T Shirts for every event - Had a warehouse guy came in with a hangover, put on the wrong shirt, when the auditor asked him if he was aware of a company policy or mission statement he quickly looked at his shirt and replied....Comany picnic - 1999....True Story!