This letter was sent to NTL and is an absolute corker! - Who says the British don't know how to complain?

57 xxxx Street
xxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxxx xxx
27-09-01

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website?. how?

I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35% - these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.

Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats!


Regards

XXX

Seems telephone companies and internet providers are much the same everywhere. I think it provides inspiration to some of us in our future dealings with our respective telecommunications providers :notme:

This letter was sent to NTL and is an absolute corker! - Who says the British don't know how to complain?
Ye gods! I'm very glad I was nowhere near the point if impact of that one... :mg:

I think it provides inspiration to some of us in our future dealings with our respective telecommunications providers Tempting sometimes, but not really my style. Besides, I think it could have been even more effective (if that is possible) with the crude stuff left out.

/Claes

I find it interesting that even when they are PO'ed the Brits still seem to be eloquent in their prose!! "highly skilled bollock jugglers" I LOVE IT!!!!

...I think it could have been even more effective (if that is possible) with the crude stuff left out.
I was thinking the same thing.

NTL's UK (lack of) customer service is quite legendary. Another intresting story concerning them is here:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/06/08/ntl_swears/

While I was unable to open the page for some reason, it appears that this letter is dealt with at Snopes.com. Can anyone else access it and let us know what snopes take is on it?

James

I couldn't find the letter on snopes or truthorfiction

I think its Monday again...disguised as a Wednesday

I think its Monday again...disguised as a Wednesday
Sneeky Monday... :nono:

Dr. Russ Ackoff tells the story of dealing with an incorrect billing. He sent letters to the agency, but it was obvious that he was just dealing with a computer and getting a computerized response back. He then wrote a letter full of every four letter word he could think of. At the end of the letter he apologized, but said that he needed to use the language to get the computer to kick him out to an actual person. Putting several dozen staples in the letter also helped kick him out to a person. . .

:topic: Going with the flow of "crude & rude" -- if you're on the phone with a Sears representative and not getting any help (hard to imagine, I know) - it may be helpful to know that they must transfer you to a supervisor if you use foul language.

I have never resorted to the actual foul language. I simply say, "Do I really have to swear at you or will you please just transfer me to your supervisor?"

I get transferred immediately.

:topic: Going with the flow of "crude & rude" -- if you're on the phone with a Sears representative and not getting any help (hard to imagine, I know) - it may be helpful to know that they must transfer you to a supervisor if you use foul language.

I have never resorted to the actual foul language. I simply say, "Do I really have to swear at you or will you please just transfer me to your supervisor?"

I get transferred immediately.

I think "Do I really have to swear at you or will you please just transfer me to your *$#$~* supervisor?" would be better.

:topic: Going with the flow of "crude & rude" -- if you're on the phone with a Sears representative and not getting any help (hard to imagine, I know) - it may be helpful to know that they must transfer you to a supervisor if you use foul language.

I have never resorted to the actual foul language. I simply say, "Do I really have to swear at you or will you please just transfer me to your supervisor?"

I get transferred immediately.

The above mentioned company has been harassing my Dad for a year now. He bought a washer and dryer; when they delievered them they wouldn't hook them up (the sales person said set up was free) so he sent them back. They are trying to collect for them claiming they never got them back.

He retired from G.M. and gets free legal services; an attorney has been contacted. :magic:

The above mentioned company has been harassing my Dad for a year now. He bought a washer and dryer; when they delievered them they wouldn't hook them up (the sales person said set up was free) so he sent them back. They are trying to collect for them claiming they never got them back.

He retired from G.M. and gets free legal services; an attorney has been contacted. :magic:

wow, I bought my washer and dryer from Sears when I had my house built, and they set up and they would have connected them except for the fact that I did not realize that you have to buy the hoses separately. My guys were very nice about it. Luckily for me, hooking hoses up was within my sparse mechanical abilities. The only trouble I've ever encountered from Sears is that even though I have their major appliances credit card, they always try to get me to open a regular credit account with them and sometimes get kind of pushy about it.

I had a ton of fun with Comcast earlier this year. About a year ago they started charging me $3 per month for cable modem rental. I had owned my modem for years. I called and asked them to stop charging me for something I owned. They told me I had to prove that I owned it by faxing in the receipt. I told them to look in their system to see that same modem had been registered to my account for five years and no changes had happened for over two years. They told me "accounting does this all the time" and the only resolution was to fax a receipt. I asked for a supervisor and was told "they will just say the same thing". Hung up.

I went into the office the next day with the modem to prove it was not a current model. The woman behind the bullet proof glass told me the same "show us a receipt" line. I said I did not have it as I bought it over five years ago. She said she could not help me. I replied "Well you're wearing my sweater. I want $10 because you are wearing my sweater. If you can't show me the receipt for it, pay me now." I got a blank stare. Asked for the supervisor. He came out about 10 minutes later and we went through the same thing. His solution was for me to keep paying $3 to rent something I owned. I pointed out that every person walking out with a piece of Comcast equipment signed a receipt - where is YOUR piece of paper I signed agreeing I was renting your modem. He finally agreed to "call over to service Monday" to see if they could dig it up.

I was fed up, but as I was having a super bowl party that weekend I had to keep the cable. Went in Monday morning with their converter box and said I was canceling. They asked "where is the modem" - went back through the whole story. I put a stop payment on my checking account since a direct withdrawl was due in a couple days.

I should have owed for two or three days of service. I get a final bill for $94 including $50 for my modem, plus a bounced check fee. Eventually got sent to collections because I refused to pay until they corrected their records.

I finally got it resolved about a month ago because a friend of a friend works for Comcast. She pulled up my record and saw it was incredibly obvious it was my modem. She had everything waived and my account cancelled.

So, a company loses about $130 per month (HD Cable plus internet) from a 12+ year customer, over a $3 charge, because at least five different employees would not pull up my record to see it was my modem.

:lmao:

Falling on the floor I'm laughing so hard. I'm working on customer feedback and satisfaction today.

I used to be a CSR for a national garbage company and it can be very frustrating when someone calls with a problem that has been ongoing for days, weeks, months, sometimes years. I always put myself in their shoes and wouldn't stop until I resolved their problem. I never take no from someone who is not qualified or does not have the authority to say yes in the first place.

I have had my fair share of problems with AT & T. Not a customer but they kept insisting I was because I accepted a collect call. That took over a year to resolve. About the time I thought it was fixed there would be a bill in my mailbox for reinstatement fees and late charges and all kinds of ridiculous bull. And it was an endless line of please press whatever number only to get caught in an endless loop of you have to pay the bill before we will help you. And now that I have mentioned it there will probably be a bill in my mail box today. I think threatening them with the Attorney General helped but I'm probably living in a fool's paradise mainly because they don't have an Attorney General in India. Final analysis, I kept getting billed because someone forgot to change a setting in my file.

Qualitygal

Even with a newspaper that buys ink by the tank carload going to bat for you, you may still get called out on strikes without ever stepping up to the plate. Today's Chicago Tribune has an item with this little "screwover."
Dad goes to bat for girls forgotten by T-ball league

Published October 18, 2006

All summer long, Caesar Castro's daughters asked him when their T-ball season would start. Over and over, he told them to be patient.

Now, it's Castro's patience that has worn thin.

The season ended three months ago, but Ariana and Corina never played an inning.

A representative of Merrionette Park Baseball Inc. admits the league screwed up and failed to assign the girls, ages 6 and 5, to teams. But so far, it hasn't refunded the $75 Castro paid in registration fees.

Castro said he asked the league repeatedly for the money and at one point was promised it would be sent.

But the check never arrived. So he e-mailed What's Your Problem.

Castro said he was able to fill the girls' time with other activities, but he is still angry they couldn't play ball.

"I wish I could give back to my daughters the summer of fun they hoped for but never got," he said.

That isn't going to happen. So Castro wants the cash.

The Problem Solver called and e-mailed Bob Chase, director of girls softball for Merrionette Park Baseball Inc.

Chase admitted the league failed to place Ariana and Corina on teams but said it was an isolated incident.

"Two kids out of the whole league of 500-some girls, I thought that was pretty good," Chase said. He explained that personnel changes led to a loss of records, causing the mix-up.

He said he understands why Castro wants his money back.

"We're taking care of that," Chase said. A check had been sent months ago, he said, but it was sent to Castro's old address.

"I just talked to our accountant," Chase said in early October. "He's redoing it and it should be sent out in a few days."

When the new check did not arrive, the Problem Solver called Chase again. Chase asked again for Castro's correct address and said he would mail the check there.

Castro, who said he moved in the middle of the season, had his doubts a check would be sent.

"To be honest, I've heard that more than once," he said.

In fact, the check did not arrive.

So the Problem Solver called Chase yet again last week. He admitted the check had not been sent and said the league had reconsidered whether to give him a refund at all.

"When they signed their kids up, it's a no-refund policy," Chase said. "It's not my total decision. It's a board decision."

The Merrionette Park Baseball Inc. board met Oct. 10. Chase promised to e-mail the Problem Solver with the board's decision but didn't. When Chase did not return phone calls and e-mails after the meeting, the Problem Solver called the league's president, Bill Fitzgerald.

On Tuesday, Fitzgerald disputed much of what Chase had said. He said no check had ever been sent--to any of Castro's addresses.

He said the issue was brought up at the Oct. 10 league meeting but Chase did not have enough facts for the board to make a decision.

"It's still an open issue," Fitzgerald said. "It does seem like [Castro] is getting the runaround."

Fitzgerald said Chase has no authority to make any decisions about refunds and should never have made any promises. He said Castro should have attended one of the league's board meetings.

"I think [Castro] went down the wrong path to get this taken care of," Fitzgerald said. "I know it's out of Mr. Chase's hands right now, so it will get taken care of."

Hours later, the league's treasurer called Castro and said she would get approval to send him a check.

Castro was cautiously optimistic.

"I'll be excited when it comes to an end," he said. "I'll be ecstatic to put it behind me."

Castro said he will try to get Ariana and Corina on a team again next summer.

Just not in Merrionette Park.

"We're not going to use them again next year," he said. "It's just nonsense."

- - -

THE PROBLEM
Ariana and Corina Castro were not assigned to a T-ball team this summer, and Merrionette Park Baseball Inc. wouldn't refund their $75 registration fee.

THE SOLUTION
The league has repeatedly balked on a refund.

The above mentioned company has been harassing my Dad for a year now. He bought a washer and dryer; when they delievered them they wouldn't hook them up (the sales person said set up was free) so he sent them back. They are trying to collect for them claiming they never got them back.

He retired from G.M. and gets free legal services; an attorney has been contacted. :magic:

We haven't dealt with them in years. After a long time away for another issue, we finally wondered back in to look at a 'fridge and give them another chance. We were offered a 'great deal' and it was. I was promised it wasn't the floor model - which I looked over pretty good. It arrived, and the veggie drawer (or fruit drawer I can't remember) was broken and the track was missing. They wanted time to fix it. I told them to put it back on the truck. It was the floor model. I don't believe we've entered the store since. I called the local family appliance shop and they not only gave me a similar model at the same price, but offered an immediate temporary unit that I could get the same day. I hope this home town shop stays in biz forever. The local hardware just lost out to the big box stores, and I hate to see it.