has anyone ever heard the words from their special other "where is the romance" or "your not romantic anymore"? After 14yrs. I have now heard it. What are some tips that those of you that have heard this done to bring a little romace back?

No iso standard to refer to so I must admit...I'm at a complete loss. :)

Anyway seek and you will find. Good Luck.

has anyone ever heard the words from their special other "where is the romance" or "your not romantic anymore"? After 14yrs. I have now heard it. What are some tips that those of you that have heard this done to bring a little romace back?

No, I never heard that! It was too late for me.........:notme::mg:

However, it takes two to tango.

Look, it's not all your job, so I'd suggest working together on this. There are a lot of books on the subject of making relationships work and help groups. One thing I learned is that the phrase 'it takes work' is very true. It wouldn't have worked in my particular case - I'm certain - but probably does for others!

Think back you when you were chasing her or trying for her attention.
The Rose because it's Wednesday, a short love note left so she'll find it after you leave for work, etc.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it always seems to be the little things that get left behind. I believe those are the things that make a woman feel desired. Not just loved.
Sure a big diamond is nice, but may also bring up the question, What have you done now?

It helps to start off on the right foot in the beginning. I remember taking her to the state fair, running out of cash (pre-ATM), so she had to buy dinner. Then, there was the time I took her to the car wash so we could wax the engine.

After that, everything was gravy...:tg:

has anyone ever heard the words from their special other "where is the romance" or "your not romantic anymore"? After 14yrs. I have now heard it. What are some tips that those of you that have heard this done to bring a little romace back?Time to stretch the pocketbook, find a sitter for the house, the kids, the pets, and check the winsome twosome into the Sybaris (http://www.sybaris.com/modules/main/).

Wes is correct, however, what my experience tells me is there's a whole lot more to it than a weekend away, now and then.

Relationships are a complex picture of peoples' needs, met and unmet. Romance is often one facet of unmet needs. My understanding (I've had extensive coaching, BTW) is that it could be part of a bigger 'whole' for the other person.

Certainly, the 'date night', weekend away every month etc can be a great 'relief valve' from the pressure cooker of life. But I wouldn't just resort to that. It is more complex, I believe and takes some further understanding.

I'd certainly recommend some books by Harville Hendrix (http://www.harvillehendrix.com/)

thanx all for the input:agree1: I want to sya though that its not all bad. what I mean is after so long together i know shes looking for those roses but that seems so "done". any ideas to let her know "she's the one"? past experiences? :o:thanx:

thanx all for the input:agree1: I want to sya though that its not all bad. what I mean is after so long together i know shes looking for those roses but that seems so "done". any ideas to let her know "she's the one"? past experiences? :o:thanx:

this book (http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156)

thanx all for the input:agree1: I want to sya though that its not all bad. what I mean is after so long together i know shes looking for those roses but that seems so "done". any ideas to let her know "she's the one"? past experiences? :o:thanx:

From a woman's point of view:

My hubby isn't a man of many words, but one thing I appreciate that he does when he feels the need is that he writes his feelings/thoughts in a little booklet, complete with his own original illustrations (he's an artist), that clearly lets me know not only that "I'm the one", but also why "I'm the one". Those little booklets mean a great deal to me and whenever I feel a little down, re-reading one of them always picks me up and reminds me that "I'm the one" to one person in the world. Definitely rekindles that flame like nothing else. :tg:

But what works for one woman may not work for the next...

Good luck to you, novusqc! :agree1:

I appreciate that he does when he feels the need is that he writes his feelings/thoughts in a little booklet,

Close to what I mentioned with the note.
It has been my experience that those little items get lost after time. The "she knows I love her" stuff.

Romance isn't always the weekend away. We always think that we need something new or big to put the romance back. Not always that.

When you hear "where's the romance gone", it means it was there but something has changed.

My hubby isn't a man of many words
And over time it seems words are less and less. Almost like Tim "the tool man" Taylors grunts!
I know that at the beggining of my relationships they were always filled with talking. Remember as teenagers staying up half the night talking to her on the phone? Now it's "yeah", "on my way", "sure" and "later". That's the whole conversation!

Here's something I've done in the past. Shelly loved Dogwoods, so I stopped at a nursery and bought a medium Dogwood to plant in the yard. Every year that it bloomed it reminded her that I thought enough about her likes to buy one and plant it.
Poor guy didn't last but 1 more bloom after we split though!:notme:

I don't believe flowers are ever 'done' unless they only appear on special occasions. Here's a Tulip because it's Tuesday can still put a sparkle in the eye!

I very rarely get flowers, so I always appreciate them...especially if they are for random occasions. My hubby never buys flowers, just picks some wild ones when he sees them.

A note or a phone call just to say "I love you" and why...always good.

Write a poem or draw a picture. It doesn't have to be a work of art to be appreciated.

Find a chore that your significant other usually does..and loathes...and surprise them by having it done already. Just make sure you do it to their "standards". ;) (j/k...sort of)

Offer a back massage, foot massage, pedicure, etc.

Candlelight (in the dining room or the bedroom) is also a rare treat in my experience.

Surprise them with a picnic to a secluded spot in nature.

Do something special with wedding vows or a wedding photo...frame it, include it in a special note, make art with it, etc.

I very rarely get flowers, so I always appreciate them...especially if they are for random occasions. My hubby never buys flowers, just picks some wild ones when he sees them.

A note or a phone call just to say "I love you" and why...always good.

Write a poem or draw a picture. It doesn't have to be a work of art to be appreciated.

Find a chore that your significant other usually does..and loathes...and surprise them by having it done already. Just make sure you do it to their "standards". ;) (j/k...sort of)

Offer a back massage, foot massage, pedicure, etc.
Candlelight (in the dining room or the bedroom) is also a rare treat in my experience.

Surprise them with a picnic to a secluded spot in nature.

Do something special with wedding vows or a wedding photo...frame it, include it in a special note, make art with it, etc.

These work like :magic:!

Good list, ermoth! :agree1::yes:

These are great suggestions. Too many times we overlook the little things in the bustle of life.

There's a little more to an effective relationship, which can be enhanced by such 'tributes' or acts of affection (call them what you will).

I've learned (the hard way) that if the person still has unmet needs and expectations, these acts won't 'do' for ever and, eventually, something will 'give'. That's why I commend the 'Imago' reading to everyone, because to understand why people say such things, your/their wants, needs etc. is so important to ensuring longevity.

It was a real eye opener for me, I can tell you........

the influx of info has been great. THANX to all :thanks:. It is so true the little things mean so much. I'm not bragging but there is not a day that goes by that I dont tell my lady how much i care for her, or how pretty she is. The biggest problem I face is that I have overloaded her with the everyday stuff and not enough lets say out of the box stuff. She is a funny one. She would prefer me not to buy flowers that die but ones to plant. This I tried with great success and wouldn't you know that its the only in ground "living" plant at my house.:lmao: Money of course is an issue I believe all of us feel tight on. So when I say "lets step out" the flux of reasons we should save money come out. I believe a trip top barnes and noble is in order. She has always said I dont read enough. can you blame me ISO is enough:bonk::lmao: once again thanx and any more insight from others is still appreciated.

Don't forget the library is a lot cheaper than Barnes and Noble or Amazon......!!

Don't forget the library is a lot cheaper than Barnes and Noble or Amazon......!!When I was in college, some of my most romantic times I recall were when my girlfriend came back into the stacks and massaged my neck and shoulders after I had spent hours poring over books working on my dissertation.

the influx of info has been great. THANX to all :thanks:. It is so true the little things mean so much. I'm not bragging but there is not a day that goes by that I dont tell my lady how much i care for her, or how pretty she is.
Yes, but what about your wife? :tg:

When I was in college, some of my most romantic times I recall were when my girlfriend came back into the stacks and massaged my neck and shoulders after I had spent hours poring over books working on my dissertation.

TMI Wes, TMI........:lmao:

GuMZ73mT5zM

It's 10 minutes long, but decently entertaining and makes some good points.

My suggestion? Embrace the last of his message.:tg:

Other points:

1. Sit by her. Put your arm around her; hold her hand.
2. Ask her what happened good in her day. Look her in the eyes and listen.
3. Hug her when you get home. Hug her before bedtime, and before you leave for work.
4. Clean up after yourself.
5. Try to avoid griping about things around the house, even if you sincerely don't mean it to be directed towards her.

Just keep in mind this. My boss lost his wife to a battle of cancer; 31 years of marriage. His best friend, lover and wife; gone. Walk around your house, and imagine life without your spouse. Then, treat them in a manner that shows you appreciate them, and are happy to have them there.:)

Have her be your best friend (Judi is my #1 confidant and soundingboard)

Treat her as a girlfriend and not a wife (After 28 years I still grab her and hug her like she's new) (a friendly pat on the fanny helps as well)

Ask her to go out, don't tell her (many times my 1st stop on the way home from the airport is a restaurant where we have a meal together, just me and her)

Get up and get her a cup of coffee (Don't wait for her to ask...and also bring back a couple of cookies or brownies as well)

Don't make man noises with her in the room (You didn't do that when she was your girfriend did you?)

Keep the windshield washer full in her car (Judi really like that one)

Make the bed when she is in the shower (Never a complaint)

Listen to Michael Buble' and Josh Groban with her (Especially if it's David Foster music)

Load music onto her IPod without comment (Trust me)

Never make fun of her in public (no matter how innocent you mean it to be)

Open all doors for her, car, house, whatever (Youll be surprised by the reactions of other people with this one)

Before you do anything else in the morning, as soon as she gets up or you 1st see her, do the hug thing (start the day off right)

Never, but never go to bed angry or without saying I love you (Trust me here too)

Give her the remote occasionally (So you can watch Michael Buble' and Josh Groban)

Respect her space, privacy and individuality (it will pay off)

I think that will cover it a bit for now...

Oh yeah, in my case I have to remember that she belongs to SLUTS (Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress), and I do my best to not add to it.

Treat her as a girlfriend and not a wife
Didn't want or need to repost the whole thing so I had to choose 1.

Randy, some great advice and wisdom in those words. Sound advice and wisdom.
Fantastic list. Now I know why you have your own fan club here!:agree1:

That reminds me - today is our anniversary. I need to get her a gift. I wonder if they have snowblowers on sale yet.....:notme:

Google it, I'm sure you can find a good deal on that snowblower and the materials to build your own dog house!:lmao:

Google it, I'm sure you can find a good deal on that snowblower and the materials to build your own dog house!:lmao:

Well, she already has a power washer...:tg:

...Now I know why you have your own fan club here!:agree1:

:tg:Fan Club? I don't know if I would call a Hit Squad a Fan Club! :lmao::lol:

Google it, I'm sure you can find a good deal on that snowblower and the materials to build your own dog house!:lmao:

Well, she already has a power washer...:tg:

Hey...they are things people can do together!!!:lmao:

My husband despairs sometimes because he's run out of ideas for power tools to get me. :D

I saw a lot of great responses. :applause:

Truly, after awhile people may crave the "heart goes bump" feeling and say it means they want "romance", whatever that is, but what it really is is the feeling of being cherished. We tend to work harder on that at first, then get in the groove and not venture out much afterward.

But it's possible to leave the rut. Here's (http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveSCat/57427) a site I found with more ideas.

I once found a kind of book kit with a bunch of invitations and specific ideas for, um, romance :notme:, in a lingerie shop. Many I would never do, but others were charming.

The other problem is last minute anniversary shopping: not so many garage sales during the week. :tg:

Much good advice so far.

My two cents: I think my wife would describe romance as being focused on her and on us....without all of the noise from the real world. It can be as simple as really listening to her (tough for guys at times), taking a walk, taking over one of her less favorite chores for a day or two, finding something new to compliment, foot rubs etc.

Remember why you two fell in love and do something to let her know you haven't forgotten the reason.

Have a great evening planned for the anniversary...and it is interactive.

Not only do we get to go to a car show - she gets to hand out the door prize tickets. She even gets to run the prizes out to the winners!

It truly is a many splendored thing, isn't it? :naughty:

Never make fun of her in public (no matter how innocent you mean it to be)

Bfore you do anything else in the morning, as soon as she gets up or you 1st see her, do the hug thing (start the day off right)

Never, but never go to bed angry or without saying I love you (Trust me here too)



GREAT ADVICE! (deserved all caps IMO)

Whew!:notangel: I did some shopping at lunch time for a gift. I got her a case of paper! You know, that stuff is expensive these days!:tg:

She will scream with glee, I am sure!:biglaugh:

Whew!:notangel: I did some shopping at lunch time for a gift. I got her a case of paper! You know, that stuff is expensive these days!:tg:

She will scream with glee, I am sure!:biglaugh:

did you think enough to get recycled paper?:lmao:

CAUTION! This is on SlashDot (aka /.) Nerds and potential offensive verbiage....

Navigating a Geek Marriage? (http://tech.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/08/04/2343241) While it's not related to marriage after XX years, it is thought provoking....

JoeLinux writes "I am soon to marry my true love (a girl! yes! they do exist!). She is a literary geek, whereas I am a gaming/Linux geek. Being the RTFM-style geeks that we are, we have been reading up on marriage, making things work, etc. Unfortunately, all of the references seem to be based around an alpha-male jock and a submissive cheerleader-style wife. A lot of the references to incompatibility in the books don't apply to us (neglect due to interest in sports, etc.). What are some of the pitfalls and successes learned in the course of a more geek-oriented marriage?"

did you think enough to get recycled paper?:lmao:

Nah - got Staples brand. It was the cheapest, and the only resource I was concerned about saving was my paycheck...:tg:

Have her be your best friend (Judi is my #1 confidant and soundingboard)

Treat her as a girlfriend and not a wife (After 28 years I still grab her and hug her like she's new) (a friendly pat on the fanny helps as well)

Ask her to go out, don't tell her (many times my 1st stop on the way home from the airport is a restaurant where we have a meal together, just me and her)

Get up and get her a cup of coffee (Don't wait for her to ask...and also bring back a couple of cookies or brownies as well)

Don't make man noises with her in the room (You didn't do that when she was your girfriend did you?)

Keep the windshield washer full in her car (Judi really like that one)

Make the bed when she is in the shower (Never a complaint)

Listen to Michael Buble' and Josh Groban with her (Especially if it's David Foster music)

Load music onto her IPod without comment (Trust me)

Never make fun of her in public (no matter how innocent you mean it to be)

Open all doors for her, car, house, whatever (Youll be surprised by the reactions of other people with this one)

Before you do anything else in the morning, as soon as she gets up or you 1st see her, do the hug thing (start the day off right)

Never, but never go to bed angry or without saying I love you (Trust me here too)

Give her the remote occasionally (So you can watch Michael Buble' and Josh Groban)

Respect her space, privacy and individuality (it will pay off)

I think that will cover it a bit for now...

Oh yeah, in my case I have to remember that she belongs to SLUTS (Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress), and I do my best to not add to it.

i have noted your advice and will try them one by one. :thanks:

I have to say, what a wonderful and life-affirming thread this is! A really good read (especially Randy's excellent advice).

I've been married to my wife for 9 years now and, whilst good intentions always exist, it's all too easy to forget much of the good advice listed here. It would be nice to be spontaneous though remembering to do so whilst dealing with everything else that happens in day-to-day life can be difficult.

My wife is having some quite major surgery in a couple of weeks which will see her being off work for anything between 2-4 months. Whilst not quite as spontaneous as I'd like (i.e. something is prompting me to do it), I've compiled a list of the 101 reasons why I love her as much now as on the first day we met. I'm splitting the list up and when I return to work I'm going to leave the first part (101-80) waiting for her when she wakes. Then, at random points in time, I'll start leaving the other parts of the list for her (in blocks of 20 at a time). She'll then expect them at some stage, but won't be sure when they turn up.

I'll also do the 'standard' things such as buying flowers and doing everything around the house so she gets complete rest when she gets home, though I'm hoping that this idea will be a little more personal, unique and thoughtful.

A really good thread folks. This is an excellent site which I refer to every day for quality related issues, though it's really good to see something of this nature on here too, and goes some way to confirm that just about all the cove regulars are thoroughly decent people (in addition to having a ridiculous amount of knowledge about the wonderful world of quality). It's really cheered me up in what is turning out to be a pretty trying week. :thanx:

Judi and I have been married going on 29 years now and we've just started. We were both previously married and have raised a blended family of here 2 kids from the previous marriage, my daughter from mine and then my son who is a product of my indescretions during my 1st marriage. As a result we now have 15 grandchildren with maybe more coming and are fixing to be Blue Star parents when our new daughter-in-law goes back to Iraq.

The entire marriage thing is built on what I previously posted (and I actually do that stuff), along with trust and respect.

Respect is just what is means...we're equal partners and I try to make her more equal. She is still an individual deserving of proper treatment and politeness....I'm old school when it comes to ladies, women or females however you want to put it....I've met quite a few of the ladies from the Cove, just ask them.

Trust, what is it? As soon as we got married I gave Judi an Unlimited, Non-ending Power of Attorney for everything. The home I live in today was bid on, signed for and closed before I even saw it as was our previous home in California. Every bank accoun, credit card, or other other financial instrument has her listed on them. Judi controls all our finances, insurance, bills, taxes and business interests. That's trust.

And I still give her the occasional pat on the fanny in the kitchen:D

Ya gott keep it a live and ya gotta ache when you're not together

Man is the head. Woman is the neck. (That turns the head) ;)

There is always the romantic music like some MC Hammer lyrics (from Yo! Sweetness):

Now the love, that you have
is the love, that I need
Like a fat man eatin chicken
on your lovin, I will feed (word!)
From the moment, that I see you
I don't KNOW, how to act
A weakness for yo' sweetness
makes my heart go PITTIN-PATT!

Someone above said that it takes two to tango - so right.
I am fortunate - my beloved indulges my inner child and generally spoils me pretty regularly. If I miss some particular thing it is my job to ask for it. People think we are supposed to be able to read each-other's minds just because we love eachother or have been together so long. Hogwash! Communication. Both ways.

"Hon, its been forever since we've sat on the porch and done a crossword. Let's do one soon!" :tg: or "Hon, I really want to snuggle up and watch an old horror movie with you tonight." :o or whatever.

Love and mind reading do NOT go hand in hand.:)

Man is the head. Woman is the neck. (That turns the head) ;)

Yeah, and my neck got a bit loose.......:notme:

Yeah, and my neck got a bit loose
I hear ya Andy. My last marriage (11 years) ended when she found a crack pipe! :nope:

Maybe there's something in the water, around these parts, Randy!!!:notme:;):lmao:

The entire marriage thing is built on what I previously posted (and I actually do that stuff), along with trust and respect.

:yes: I was just talking to a friend today about how too many people forget about how important RESPECT is in a relationship. On a side note Aretha preaches some of my favorite relationship advice..."R-E-S-P-E-C-T", along with "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man"...I also love "You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)".

People think we are supposed to be able to read each-other's minds just because we love eachother or have been together so long. Hogwash! Communication. Both ways.

Love and mind reading do NOT go hand in hand.

:applause: I was talking to this woman once who was planning to marry her significant other. He asked her what kind of ring she wanted...it was the engagement ring I think. She wouldn't tell him her preferences because she said she wanted to test him to see what he would pick out for her to see how well he knew her. When she was telling me this I thought to myself, "This marriage is doomed." Turns out, they never ended up making it that far. :mg:

After almost 40 years, best I have found it to set aside a regular evening for a date. Take her to dinner then movies/dancing/whatever, just sometime for the two of you.

Oh, and turn off the phone, it is her time.

I'd be interested to know, from those of you who have a lasting relationship, how many of the women had a father (figure) around in their formative years, with their mothers (of course)......so that the 'girl' grew up being influenced by their parents interactions as man and wife......

I'd be interested to know, from those of you who have a lasting relationship, how many of the women had a father (figure) around in their formative years, with their mothers (of course)......so that the 'girl' grew up being influenced by their parents interactions as man and wife......

Excellent question, Andy. I'm going on 21 years of marriage, with 4 years dating before that.

At least in my situation with my wife, each of us were highly influenced by our parents. It was a real challenge for my wife to learn to communicate (effectively), because she never saw anyone in her family communicate that way. I have equal things to learn, mind you. But just saying it's taken this long for us to learn to communicate about things, and not make it a personal attack. :)

I'd be interested to know, from those of you who have a lasting relationship, how many of the women had a father (figure) around in their formative years, with their mothers (of course)......so that the 'girl' grew up being influenced by their parents interactions as man and wife......

Andy - my wife's parents are still together after 35 years of marriage. Whilst not an absolute blueprint of a perfect marriage (her father spent a lot of time working to build up a business), theirs has always been a relationship with a significant emphasis on family values, respect and bringing the children up in the right way. The family (parents and 3 daughters) is closer than ever now.

My parents have been married for 38 years and the same applies there, in terms of values and upbringing.

Both Lisa and I have observed certain aspects of our parent's marriages and taken that on board in our own (i.e. remembering parents arguing (albeit years ago, when we were children) and vowing never to do that, especially now we have a daughter of our own) and we have stuck to that. Also, having that knowledge / first hand experience of fathers working long hours has influenced me greatly too - I'm out to work early(ish) in the morning and very rarely work later than 16:30, so I get a few hours with my daughter before she goes to bed each night. I also gave up my Bolton Wanderers (English Premier League) season ticket after 11 years last summer as my weekend time with my wife and daughter is very valuable - I don't want to interrupt it by disappearing to watch the football at 15:00 every other Saturday. And yes, to anyone in the know - giving it up was a blessing in disguise in hindsight! The days out / time together at weekends is invaluable though.

I grew up with 2 of the greatest parents anyone could ask for. My dad absolutely adored my mother and she was totally in love with him. They were together from 8th grade until his death some 14 years ago at the young age of 59.

His story about women was this: God made man first, however he saw he needed a companion. God could have made her from a bone from the foot, but then man could say he was over her. He could have made her from a bone from the skull, but then she could say she was over him. He created her from a rib, she is equal and stands by your side and you by hers.
Then God woke Adam up and showed him His creation. All Adam could say was WOO Man!!!!!!!

You never talked backed to my mom or you were in trouble when dad got home. She was to be listened to and respected.

People have mentioned respect. I believe you can't have LOVE without respect. Without respect it's just lust.:2cents:

"Greater Love Hath no man, than he give up his Bolton Wanderers' tickets for his Family......":lol: (mind you, you were already brave to support them.....:lol:)

Thanks for the replies to my question.

The reason I asked was that I've had some experience of where the woman didn't have that 'solid' foundation of the parents to learn from - whereas my parents are still alive and kicking (not each other) after more than 62 years of marriage (my brother swears he was at the wedding in the car, but they didn't get a car until much later.....:lmao:)

Andy,
Have a good trip to Yonder land or where ever it is you're going.
I'll have a cold $9 beer for you tomorrow at Ford Field (Lions practice) and an $8 beer for you at Comerica (Tigers & Twins).

All this talk about romance and all made me feel like I needed a get away. Me and the little lady are going to go to the MGM for the weekend and catch the Lions practice and the Tigers game tomorrow.
I'm taking her to the Athenians tonight for supper and she said she'll take me to Hockeytown Cafe tomorrow night!
And this was her idea!

"Greater Love Hath no man, than he give up his Bolton Wanderers' tickets for his Family......":lol: (mind you, you were already brave to support them.....:lol:))

There's only so much suffering a man can take! :nopity:

Having time w/your daughter is very importatnt. Coming from a family w/all boys for 3 generations when I had my daughter the whole family was shook up. It has been amazing to watch how differently my family acts towards my daughter vs my son. (yes the girl wants the boy dead:mg:) How quickly all the ladies were respected when she is around. As for me she is turning 16 soon and our time together has changed. I'm now a dork:bonk: in her eyes. Its better than her mom, she is satan. :notme:

I have to 2nd the motion of spending time with the kids. I had to work for most of last weekend;however, the time I took out was for my daughter (ever watch a 4.5 year old at a Science Center...it was absolutely incredible!).

My wife gets upset when she is with my daughter alone (I still golf...or try to). Whereas, I cherish the time I get when I don't have to share her. We go to the park, ride her bike, go to the zoo (or a reptile zoo nearby), play the Wii, you name it....read a book even! It just flies by and she is so well behaved. My wife always complains that she is hard to handle. Who knows...maybe my daughter won't enjoy shopping (my wife and mother in law's favourite pasttime)! :cfingers:

I may only be 6 years in, but, overall we have a very strong relationship. Are we perfect? No way! But, do follow many of the rules that Randy has listed. They truly are words to live by - Random hugs and pecks go a long way!!

It seems a vitally important point to appreciate (now) and one I hope to help my sons with, in their future relationships. A 'father figure' is fundamental to a solid relationship later in life. I'm very happy to have had that in mine, my Dad treats my Mum pretty well!

In two cases I've witnessed, one (woman) had no father from the age of 3 (there was an adoptive father, but who knows what influence he had) and the other was 'not there' due to alcoholism......

I'm certain that there are those who successfully 'get through' the trials and tribulations of a relationship, but from what I've been able to discern, anything other than a good experience of parents' relationship (during those 'formative years') can carry into the marriage with some (potentially) negative consequences. This is, basically, the theme of the 'Imago' relationship counseling.

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

Lexie,

You found the right place....
Tremendous experience here at The Cove Forums!

Randy, what would you advise to the unmarried? :D

Stijloor.

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

Only condolences, Lexi, only condolences.......:lol:;)

Only condolences, Lexi, only condolences.......:lol:;)


Ha-ha, it's rough out there!

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P
Ah - so glad that torture is history! Bars aren't it usually - the interest there is purely physical and that doesn't last long. Meeting at any sort of social group or club already increases the odds as there is some obvious common ground. Also - taboo as it still is - the internet really can be useful that way. Yes - the horror stories are all true. I worked with a guy who had 2 online personas - the first up was Marta, a 50 something wife and mother in whom ladies in the chatroom might confide. The second was himself in name only - using the info gleaned with Marta to pretend to be Mr. Right. :nope: Slimeball. So yes, use every ounce of common sense and caution :caution: you have, but there are some wonderful people out there too. Sure its a risk - but its a risk no matter how you get to the point where you are willing to put your heart on the line.

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

Lexie, I've found that when I'm not looking is when it finds me.

My current girlfriend found me while I was shopping with my daughter. She first saw us when we were racing on the carts through the parking lot on the way in to the store. Then she saw me teasing Renee with a live Lobster. Later she saw Renee pick up a box of cereal and point to the picture of the bowl and ask me if I saw the bug in the milk. I said no and she said look closer, as I did she hit me in the forehead with the box! I do that to her with menus.
Next she said that she saw us do the sea turtle thing from Nemo. Give some fin, now noggin', when we got done at the checkout.
She came up and mentioned how much fun we seemed to have and how much fun it was to watch us.
I saw no ring and asked her out!

Hi NovusQC

This month God willing on the 21st will be our 16th anniversary, and let me tell you that I feel happily married...and I believe she does too.

Outside my job as consultant, third party auditor and Church minister I am a married guy with three kids, three old cars and two fat dogs.

I once read this book: "If only he knew - A valuabe guide to knowing, understanding, and loving your wife" by Gary Smalley ISBN 0 310 44881 6.
It is a great book. I hope you can get it.

I know we all joke once in a while about what it takes to be married, but it is really a challenge and I consider marriage a life-project. If your spouse is saying you should be more romantic may be she is right. Wives deserve the best from their husbands.

Alberto

I am a married guy with three kids, three old cars and two fat dogs.
I love it! It doesn't get much better! Thanks Arios and Happy Anniversary.

Wasn't it Paul that said "For I have learned, that no matter where I am, there to be content".

I love it! It doesn't get much better! Thanks Arios and Happy Anniversary.

Wasn't it Paul that said "For I have learned, that no matter where I am, there to be content".

Yes Paul said it and the results of his work speak for themselves! :bigwave:

There is something called as a Love Tank in everyone’s life. You should make sure it is full all the time. Below are the types of love languages which helps you to keep your love tank filled. You need to identify the primary love language of your spouse and take action on it.


1. Word Affirmation – Appreciation, Encouragement, love notes
2. Quality of Time - Spending time with spouse, Attention, Conversation
3. Receiving Gifts - surprising with gifts etc. need not be a costly one
4. Acts of Service - Helping out in house chores or running errands etc
5. Physical Touch – Hand holding, back rubs, hugs, kisses, cuddling etc

Talk with your spouse about all these 5 things and understand which is his/her primary luv language. Prioritize all of it. If you identify your spouse luv language as “word affirmation” then you need to make sure you keep appreciating your spouse even for small things. Write down a small luv note etc thorough which your partner’s luv tank is filled which will make both of you happy. The same applies for the rest of the languages. Ie if you find our ur spouse luv language is “receiving gifts”, do surprise them with gifts and make them happy. Even a singly rose would do J These kind of exercise will make couples happy and romantic. You would have been married for so many yrs now but still apply this in ur marriage and don’t take life for granted by saying you are too old or the days are gone etc….live ur life to the fullest. J

There is something called as a Love Tank in everyone’s life. You should make sure it is full all the time.

Sounds like the work of Dr. Dennis Swanberg, an incredibly entertaining minister. For more information on his thoughts, see Is Your Love Tank Full? (http://www.dennisswanberg.com/lovetankbook.htm) His videos are quite entertaining. I miss him being on TV in our area.

Sounds like the work of Dr. Dennis Swanberg, an incredibly entertaining minister. For more information on his thoughts, see Is Your Love Tank Full? (http://www.dennisswanberg.com/lovetankbook.htm)His videos are quite entertaining. I miss him being on TV in our area.

Whilst not wishing to turn this thread a little bit 'Carry On' (:o and I don't know for sure until I get home tonight and can check out the above link) but I have to ask - is Dr Dennis Swanberg a serious thinker or is he a spoof alias by a stand-up somewhere? It's just that the title 'Is Your Love Tank Full' sounds more like a Spinal Tap song than a serious & enlightening self-help tool...

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

If I ask you to choose between sweet lies and bitter truth, what would be your preference?

How about some advice for the unmarried to find romance! :P

May be a Social Group can be created in Elsmar to help.
How about "Lonely Quality harts"? :nopity:

Just kidding folks. Just be patient

If I ask you to choose between sweet lies and bitter truth, what would be your preference?
I would rather hurt or die for a truth than to love or live for a lie!:blowup:

Whilst not wishing to turn this thread a little bit 'Carry On' (:o and I don't know for sure until I get home tonight and can check out the above link) but I have to ask - is Dr Dennis Swanberg a serious thinker or is he a spoof alias by a stand-up somewhere? It's just that the title 'Is Your Love Tank Full' sounds more like a Spinal Tap song than a serious & enlightening self-help tool...

No, he is for real, and it is his entertaining methodology to get his point across. So, although humor is a part of his presentation, his message is genuine.

I would rather hurt or die for a truth than to love or live for a lie!:blowup:

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." :notme:

May be a Social Group can be created in Elsmar to help.
How about "Lonely harts"? :nopity:

Just kidding folks. Just be patient

Actually.....

A few quotes from one of my favorite writers, the late Lewis Grizzard:

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until I was married.

It seems a vitally important point to appreciate (now) and one I hope to help my sons with, in their future relationships. A 'father figure' is fundamental to a solid relationship later in life. I'm very happy to have had that in mine, my Dad treats my Mum pretty well!

In two cases I've witnessed, one (woman) had no father from the age of 3 (there was an adoptive father, but who knows what influence he had) and the other was 'not there' due to alcoholism......

I'm certain that there are those who successfully 'get through' the trials and tribulations of a relationship, but from what I've been able to discern, anything other than a good experience of parents' relationship (during those 'formative years') can carry into the marriage with some (potentially) negative consequences. This is, basically, the theme of the 'Imago' relationship counseling.


My wife and I both came from homes where parents didn't exactly get along and therefore our fathers worked nights. Both had drinking problems. Her dad was kind to his kids. Mine was a bully and mean.

We moved out together when I turned 17. She worked while I finished high school. I was a junior when we moved out.

We have been together for 31 years. Rasied 1 child and raised a niece and nephew from a broken home.

It's intestinal fortitude to want to do for yourself and finding someone who wants to do with you. That is the key.

Maybe we are not "normal" in how we turned out regarding our upbinging but we turned out. Maybe the exception to the rule..... All I can say is I'm happy. Regrets? sure, but she made it great to be with her instead of lamenting our predicament and letting society pay our way....:topic:

Guess that was a lil off topic....maybe not...:tg:

palmer,
I resepect everything you said. I myself coming from a home were my father and mother divorced and bitterly hated each other and then both re-married to people with thier own kids. My wife coming from a home were she was adopted and her father having a drinking problem. both of us were wild but hung together for 17 yrs (married 14).

Still raising a 15 and 11 year old both of us made the common goal to never treat or kids the way we were and if we got to a point we couldn't be together we would have the respect for kids not to take it out on them nor use them as pawns to play against each other. Having the desire not only to love our kids as much as we can but also the love and respect we have for each other has carried us along way. :agree1:

palmer,
I resepect everything you said. I myself coming from a home were my father and mother divorced and bitterly hated each other and then both re-married to people with thier own kids. My wife coming from a home were she was adopted and her father having a drinking problem. both of us were wild but hung together for 17 yrs (married 14).

Still raising a 15 and 11 year old both of us made the common goal to never treat or kids the way we were and if we got to a point we couldn't be together we would have the respect for kids not to take it out on them nor use them as pawns to play against each other. Having the desire not only to love our kids as much as we can but also the love and respect we have for each other has carried us along way. :agree1:

You rock!!!

I would rather hurt or die for a truth than to love or live for a lie!

i would rather hurt for a truth so i could move on. if you’re dead you cannot… :lol:

I would say that romance is all about how you feel about your other half.

Try to remember how you fell in love and see your other half has if it was the first time.

I've been with my girlfriend for 11 years and I still see her more beautiful every day, because I'm taking the time to look at her... and tell her she is beautiful and that I love her.

Hi Folks,

Let's keep talking about this topic.

I believe we all appreciate good advice, and we can learn from each other on subjects like these as well.

I hope that more than one folk in the forum will still continue to participate on these posts. :agree1:

What usually happens to humans when things become routine? You go through the motions. That's what happens in relationships too.

You have to change things up. Be different. Some experts say make dates and treat like that. Myself, sometimes I'll cook dinner (not just use the BBQ grill:lmao:) or give flowers or talk a little naughty.... spice things up but not all the time and try not to do the same thing over and over.:2cents:

What usually happens to humans when things become routine? You go through the motions.

You have to change things up. Be different.

Sometimes I will break the monotony by grabbing a cup of cold water and pitching the water over the shower curtain while she is in there. Lets her know I am still thinking of her. :tg:

Sometimes I will break the monotonly by grabbing a cup of cold water and pitching the water over the shower curtain while she is in there. Lets her know I am still thinking of her.

I love it!:applause:

And when she's done she helps you start that running regiment you never got around to!:lol:

Duck and cover, Duck and cover!!!

Duck and cover, Duck and cover!!!

If I am worried about retribution, I hide her glasses. Then she can't find me.

I do some of my "honey-do's" in advance without her knowing.

Then, when she reminds me about my pending tasks I fake an argument saying that I refuse to help, or that I'm worn out for the day. Once she starts to get angry about my attitude I confess, I just can't resist to make her angry this way. Then we both smile and I eagerly wait for the next time.

PS. I don't like honey-dos but they help to keep a marriage healthy. Could be a punishment for my auditor job. May be I deserve that and even more

PS. I don't like honey-dos but they help to keep a marriage healthy. Could be a punishment for my auditor job. May be I deserve that and even more

Hmmmmmm....I sense the karma there.

Hmmmmmm....I sense the karma there.

Does it take both love and war to make things balance, test every relationship, and noticed true romance?

I don't try to do "honey-do's" in advance. Why? Rule #2 states to see Rule #1 ( Rule #1 states Women can change the rules at any time). My wife when it come to "Honey-do" lists does change it dramatically at times.

But, we do try to get some time away from our little one otherwise we never get a chance to talk to each other. Usually, her parents are good for a night on the weekend once in a while (we even sleep in until 8:30am on those mornings!)

So far we are at 8 years and going strong. Now if we could just stay awake a little later.... :)

I don't try to do "honey-do's" in advance. Why? Rule #2 states to see Rule #1 ( Rule #1 states Women can change the rules at any time). My wife when it come to "Honey-do" lists does change it dramatically at times.

But, we do try to get some time away from our little one otherwise we never get a chance to talk to each other. Usually, her parents are good for a night on the weekend once in a while (we even sleep in until 8:30am on those mornings!)

So far we are at 8 years and going strong. Now if we could just stay awake a little later.... :)

that’s a romantic side of it. but if I ask you about the opposite what is the most painful lines you uttered to your love one? be honest.:D

Didn't take the time to read more than half the posts so I may be duplicating here....and I am going back to the original reason for the thread:

I just lost my husband to a long battle. Till the end he was always the romantic.
What I miss most was the eye contact when he listened. He made everything I said seem important even if it was some foolish rambling of a worn out care giver.
The touch....he'd make of point of touching me as I'd walk by or while we were sitting together.
The winks, The "I love you" for no particular reason.
The UPS deliveries from Home Shopping Channel showing up unexpectedly.
Flowers sent to work.....with just " thinking of you, and wanted to see you smile"

.......worked for me

Romance can be considered as surprise. you can give ur lover a gift like A bouquet of flowers on an ordinary day:magic:.

In a forum of quality professionals, this topic is a little sad. What's been suggested are patches, band-aids, and other methods that completely fail to address the root cause of the problem.....MARRIAGE. So in the spirit of actual problem solving....not getting married, means there will be no "lack of romance" from or with a spouse. Simple. :notme:

Also keep in mind that 100% of all divorces began with marriage.

I would also like to further comment that I strongly believe that marriage is responsible for hair loss among men. Although this has yet to be affirmed by a scientific authority, I hold stongly to this opinion. I have pictures prior to getting married, and over the past twelve years as strong evidence to support this claim. :)

Wayne

PS: Kids are the real reason your hair turns grey.

In a forum of quality professionals, this topic is a little sad. What's been suggested are patches, band-aids, and other methods that completely fail to address the root cause of the problem.....MARRIAGE. So in the spirit of actual problem solving....not getting married, means there will be no "lack of romance" from or with a spouse. Simple. :notme:

Also keep in mind that 100% of all divorces began with marriage.

I would also like to further comment that I strongly believe that marriage is responsible for hair loss among. Although this has yet to be affirmed by a scientific authority, I hold stongly to this opinion. I have pictures prior to getting married, and over the past twelve years as strong evidence to support this claim. :)

Wayne

PS: Kids are the real reason your hair turns grey.

I fully concur, Wayne.

Indeed, my own root cause analysis points to the real reason being beyond even marriage! Unmarried (co-habiting, 'living-in-sin' etc) couples have such issues of romance missing! Courts even have compensated the extreme disolution of such arrangements by awarding 'palimony'....

I'd venture to suggest that the true cause lies in that there are fundamental and incompatible differences between men and women............and not just the obvious ones!:lmao: