[Icy Mountain]

My registrar's auditor (a.k.a. He Who Makes Coffee Nervous) responded with this Draft Report:

In Reply to Parent Post by Health Advisory: Audits raise blood pressure. 1/9/2007 AP-wire Rjk

Scientific evidence now proves that audits raise blood pressure significantly. Be advised for your own safety when involved in this potentially dangerous activity. The US Center for Disease Control offers the following precautions if and when you are involved:

1) Avoid conflict and any excess stimulation with the auditor.

2) Emergency equipment such as portable cardiac defibrillators and oxygen are advised before, during, and after audits.

3) Remain calm and utilize the Socratic method of answering a question with a question to always seek the truth.

4) Do not schedule health fairs during audits as this causes high blood pressure and emotional stress for employees.

5) Drink plenty of fluids, avoid bright lights, and stay out of the heat during all interrogations.

6) If you do not know the answer to a question, remain silent.

7) Calmly mention the fact that you are sick with a highly contagious virus as you are introduced to the auditor.

8) Seek first aid immediately if needed.

9) Wear suitable personal protective equipment and attire.

10) Remind the auditor of their obligation to the health, safety, and well being of humanity.