Should I refuse to answer personal questions during the interview?

[Ella Pacey]

I've gone through an interview. They asked me some private questions, for example: You have a boyfriend yet? Where do you live? Where does your boyfriend live? Have you intention to marry? Do you usually have conflict? How many times do you go out with your boyfriend a week?...
I answered honestly. However, I do not know what to tell, the truth or lie, or can I refuse the questions about my private life?
How do you answer these questions?

[Marc]

What country are you in? In some countries these are not legal to ask (other than something like "Where do you live?" which I would *guess* would be a fair question even though they should know that from your resume/CV). In others it is.

The bottom line is if you are in a country where it is legal to ask such questions, your decision to answer or not, truthfully or not, depends upon you. What the company expects from questions such as "Have you intention to marry? Do you usually have conflict? How many times do you go out with your boyfriend a week?" are probably in part cultural, but they may also be part of their trying to determine some log term aspects (whether right or wrong) such as will you get pregnant and take time off or leave. I am guessing but I think these are questions that would be asked of a woman rather than a man.

Just some thoughts - I'm sure others here will voice their opinion(s).

[JaneB]

In Reply to Parent Post by Marc

I am guessing but I think these are questions that would be asked of a woman rather than a man.

Yup. And those kinds of personal questions - which have zero to do with one's ability to do the job - are almost always only asked of women, and never of men. The problem of course, is that as a woman, you're often 'damn if you do and damned if you don't'. ie, if you don't answer, they think you're hiding something, and if you do, they may not like the answers! Sheesh!


Before it became illegal to ask a question such as 'what do you do with your children during holiday (vacation) times?' of anyone, I like the response given to this question by a frustrated academic (and yes, female):
"I chain 'em up with a bowl of water to the clothes line. What do you do with yours?"

[JaneB]

In Reply to Parent Post by Ella Pacey

... can I refuse the questions about my private life?
How do you answer these questions?

What country was this in? WIthout knowing that, I can't answer the 'can I refuse' question. As Marc has already said, those kinds of questions are illegal in many countries, including mine (Australia). Does yours have a law against discrimination for example?

You might, of course, just have been unfortunate enough to come across an interviewer who was ignorant and/or ill-informed.

[somashekar]

In Reply to Parent Post by Ella Pacey

I've gone through an interview. They asked me some private questions, for example: You have a boyfriend yet? Where do you live? Where does your boyfriend live? Have you intention to marry? Do you usually have conflict? How many times do you go out with your boyfriend a week?...
I answered honestly. However, I do not know what to tell, the truth or lie, or can I refuse the questions about my private life?
How do you answer these questions?

How personal is personal ? This is a matter to be assessed and by the person being interviewed. If there is even an element of doubt in the mind of the person interviewed the best perhaps is to ask back "Why do you want to know this ?"
Any less than logical answer would say much about the person interviewing and a lot about that organization.
Since the person is the same and a part of the daytime is being assessed for the job by the interviewer, it would be essential to know about the persons family status and plans to take a decision. Some parts of it would also be within the CV too.
So for some of your questions as I feel :
You have a boyfriend yet? proper
Where do you live? proper (perhaps already in the CV)
Where does your boyfriend live? proper if answered yes above.
Have you intention to marry? proper perhaps (must have added that with words "in near future")
Do you usually have conflict? .... ?? why
How many times do you go out with your boyfriend a week? ... ? why

[JaneB]

Interesting. Somashekar's responses highlight the difference culture and countries make.

Here's the situation in my country (Australia) to those:

You have a boyfriend yet? In Australia, an illegal question in a job interview. Completely improper. Nothing to do with the person's capacity to do the work.
Irrelevant and intrusive.

Where do you live? Ok

Where does your boyfriend live? Nothing to do with the job and should not be asked. Irrelevant and intrusive.

Where does your boyfriend live? Words fail me. What does this have to do with their ability to do the job? Irrelevant and intrusive.

Do you intend to marry? Improper - In Australia, an illegal question in a job interview. Completely improper. Nothing to do with the person's capacity to do the work.

Do you usually have conflict? .... ?? why IF this question is asked about personal relationship, illegal. IF it is asked about work relationships, could be OK.

How many times do you go out with your boyfriend a week? Illegal as well as irrelevant.

None, but NONE of the questions that are now, thankfully, illegal have anything to do with the person's ability and capacity to do a job!!! Which is why they're now illegal here. As someone who suffered the discrimination by men asking those kinds of questions, I am now very glad they are illegal so younger women won't have the kind of subtle (and often not so subtle ) discrimination against women that I did.

By the way, Somashekar, are men in your country asked whether they have a girlfriend, are planning to marry etc?

[somashekar]

By the way, Somashekar, are men in your country asked whether they have a girlfriend, are planning to marry etc?

Usually not. This is also Irrelevant and intrusive as you mention.
In case of women, when the age and spinster status raises a question in the mind of the HR part of the interview, we could ask if they have plans to get married in near future, but certainly not about having or not having a boy friend.
You must be aware that marriage here is more a family arranged affair than a boy friend / girl friend deciding to marry.
My answering were more from general thoughs perspective rather than country specific.
Over here, more than the forseen leave aspect of spinsters when deciding to marry, we fear they would discontinue work or shift location based on marriage and would be unavailable to continue work. Many times the man and his family where she would be getting into would have a say in her career status.

As a side note, does anyone know of paternity leave as an added previlage leave given to men for the first child they have ?

[somashekar]

In Reply to Parent Post by silverlady150

I'm always asked such questions like do you live with your boyfriend or not, are you going to marry soon, when you're going to have kids and I don't like answering them I consider that although the employer wants to be sure that my intentions are to work for his company and not to leave 6 months later but that really irritates! Then why I can't ask an employer with whom he lives and so on. I want them evaluate my professional skills not my private affairs.

Welcome to the Cove Silverlady ~~~
There is a difference between personal questions and private affairs and certainly the asker must be trained and aware of these differences. One of the aspect of determining suitability of a candidate is also about his or her ability to continue in the position if and when selected.
Off course no one can stop anyone from acting upon there freewill, but organization's directions would be to assess from every aspect before taking a decision.