Elf and Safety - What could ISO 9001 do for this org?

[ShortFatBloke]

Dear All,

Every year, I get seconded from my normal job (I’m a kind of mobile orthodontist) to work for a small division of the organisation based ‘Up North’. I say ‘small’ – there are hundreds of employees but only one is over three feet tall. To say it's a traditionally run business would be an understatement and so I was wondering what ISO9001 and SixSigma could bring to the organisation.

I do have to be careful as to what I say as there are strict policies to do with whistleblowers -whistleblowers, fiddle-players, carol-singers, you name it. The organisation also has informers everywhere; you can’t do anything (naughty or nice) without word getting back to the boss and your name going on his ‘list’.

It’s an FMCG manufacturer which claims to be able to get millions of diverse products out to the customer(s) on one night. While there is a huge manufacturing department, the transport department is hugely under resourced (one driver), with inappropriate equipment (who uses a sleigh and reindeer these days????) and, although I understand that the company is an equal opportunities employer but the guy is positively ancient! He’s also way behind on his mandatory training (he certainly hasn’t read the policy on consumption of alcohol during working hours…) and his PPE is a little bit questionable as well – safety boots, yes but he really should be wearing a hi-vis over his company uniform.

Finally, although they don’t get too many complaint letters (with the exception of the one from Kevin ‘B****y’ Wilson), the turnover in customers would suggest a big problem, most tend to place four or five orders before changing to a more reliable source of supply (no doubt one who uses FedEx to deliver).
Any suggestions as to how to improve the organisation’s performance would be greatly received, just don’t expect it to be implemented any time soon.

Merry Christmas,

Toothie.