Anybody miss me?

Recently a reply to a thread I started: Electronic Approval Demonstration - Use of the voting option in Outlook showed up in my inbox and it occurred to me that I just quit coming here. I began thinking (hoping) that maybe someone noticed that I was gone and wondered what had happened to me. I decided to drop by and tell you guys what happened to me.

The company I was working for in 2009 was having difficulty (who wasn't) and I had gone back to school part time to finish my degree in civil engineering technology. Towards the end of July, work had become almost openly hostile between the workers that had not been laid off. Also, last July, my wife's MS had started to get worse. I had too much going on.

One morning I did an assessment of my resources and I made an extreme personal decision. Work had become increasingly unsatisfying, I was almost finished with school, and my wife needed me more than ever...I packed up my stuff at lunch time and I walked away from my job.

Immediately, I was able to put more effort towards my education and I graduated, with honors, in May. With the advice of someone from here I was able to secure two job offers, but I was unable to accept them because my wife's condition had worsened to the point that she required someone to be with her full time. In order for me to work I would need to hire a nurse for her. I have decided that rather than be here for her, I would be here with her. I am now her full time care attendant. It is the most important job I've ever had.

Hi Howard.
Welcome and I share your view that you are now in the most important job that only you can execute to the best. I hope everything works well for you and that she begins a good recovery. We hope to read more from you on both your personal front as well as your knowledge and experience shared in addressing questions. I also hope you will be now able to get some time to come in here in the cove.
Take care and God bless...

Howard! Good to hear from you. Congratulations on your degree. No need to be a stranger, we will chat with you anytime, and you still have all kinds of knowledge to share. Healing prayers to your wife.

Same from me! Life gives us many twists and turns, ups and downs.

I'm glad everything is going as well as it is, considering everything, and it's good to see you stop by and say hello.

It's been a long, tough road for you, Howard. If it lifts your spirits any, you should know I have been telling your story (keeping you anonymous) when I launch into the ability each of us has to start a new career from scratch after personal setbacks. I'm pulling for you to use that spirit to find an accommodation with your present situation.

You should know, also, I have counseled others in caregiver situations. It is important for you to explore and take advantage of organizations and institutions which will offer everything from goods and services to respite care (someone else cares for your patient, either at your home or at some other facility) when you just need to take a break. I used such services during the years I cared for my mom. It does not reflect badly on the caregiver to accept such help! You are no good to your patient if you are tired and cranky from too little rest and no recreation, so do it, even if it's just a day off to go to a ball game with some friends.

Wes Bucey said:

You should know, also, I have counseled others in caregiver situations. It is important for you to explore and take advantage of organizations and institutions which will offer everything from goods and services to respite care (someone else cares for your patient, either at your home or at some other facility) when you just need to take a break. I used such services during the years I cared for my mom. It does not reflect badly on the caregiver to accept such help! You are no good to your patient if you are tired and cranky from too little rest and no recreation, so do it, even if it's just a day off to go to a ball game with some friends.

Click to expand...

I've got a small network of helpers and sympathetic shoulders, Wes. I came to the realization a long time ago that I do not have what people would consider good luck. I have to be prepared. And I've also learned that if you ask for nothing, then nothing is what you will get.

Me and Karen discuss it and she knows I have to get out from time to time. I have some projects outside of the house that I work on and she makes me ride my bicycle regularly, lest I get fat.

Remember Wes, I do not survive. I THRIVE.

I'll confess I had not noticed your absence, probably because I have also been kind of scarce. But your reasons are much better than mine.

My dad left the Army to care for his first wife with MS. It is a kind, caring and loving thing. Your energies are well placed. Though I do not know your wife, I feel grateful for you, for her. I hope that makes sense.

Peace to you both.

Hi Howard,

Good to see you back and welcome home

Great words and Great man
Thank you to exists

Remember me? I think it was ten years ago that I left industry and quality to take care of my wife who had multiple sclerosis that had advanced to the point that she required full time care. Last October she began having trouble swallowing and by Thanksgiving she had lost the ability to swallow. She had done an advanced directive back in 2010 that stated she would not accept tube feeding. She reiterated that refusal last year and died on the Thursday before Easter this year. I woke up on Good Friday alone and feeling that my life had lost all point.

In August I began looking for a job again and was in and out of several minor positions. Two weeks ago I decided to expand my search to include the past ten years as a care giver but I lacked official credentials (not a CNA). Someone said that they might consider me for a position at the Veterans Victory Home, a nursing home associated with the VA in Walterboro (they do training). The local newspaper said that they were looking for a maintenance associate and since I can fix air conditioners and know a little plumbing and electrical and can clean floors, I went to their website to apply.

Their website didn't list a job in maintenance but there was a position available for an activities assistant so I applied for that. I was called for an interview the next day since I had ten years of experience working with someone who was profoundly disabled. When I went to the interview I took a copy of "Quality Control and Brain Damage". I told the interviewer that not only did I have experience working with the profoundly disabled but I had been profoundly disabled myself, being a survivor of traumatic brain injury. I told her that I knew what it was like to sit around wondering what I was going to do....to have little hope. She read my story and said, "We've got to have you!"

I'll start there on a probationary, "as needed" basis right after Thanksgiving. It's a start, I got my foot in the door and it should be enough to pay the bills.