A history lesson

[SteelMaiden]

This was published by our local editor in our little trice weekly newspaper. Please accept it in the spirit it was offered, funny, not trying to make a political statement.

World history made simple


For those that don't know about history here is a condensed version.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and survive on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: (1) Conservatives, and (2) Liberals.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.
Liberals also invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

[Stijloor]

Steel,

Should I ignore the last few sentences?

Stijloor.

[SteelMaiden]

yes, of course, you are a special breed Jan, a Cover through and through!

[achorste]

In Reply to Parent Post by SteelMaiden

Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.

But we are!

[Wes Bucey]

conservative/liberal; male/female; american/euopean/ even asian or african - who cares?
Where's the beer?

I think we need a new business book - "Who moved my beer?"



Apologies to "Who Moved My Cheese" (http://www.amazon.com/Who-Moved-My-C.../dp/0399144463)

[SteelMaiden]

Aha, Wes got the most important part! Getting us to the point where we could enjoy our beer!

[curryassassin]

BBQ is great with beer (in fact most past-times are). Which political party found that beer, curry, women, and football (whatever variety) is the optimum blend?

Yesterday, whilst engaged in my quality thing, I got the urge for beer. Last night we celebrated 1 year in our new building, so I deemed it politically correct to imbibe, big time. Today, I am working from home. I am taking the conservative approach with the quality thing today and ignoring the masses telling me to go lie down.

I've just remembered the ~30 pints of honey-brewed imperial stout in my refrigerator.....

[prototyper]

In Reply to Parent Post by curryassassin

BBQ is great with beer (in fact most past-times are). Which political party found that beer, curry, women, and football (whatever variety) is the optimum blend?

The Monster Raving Looney Party?