Hi Tech

[Chris May]

Three guys were in a hotel sauna.

An American, an Irishman and a Japanese guy.

Suddenly, there was a beeping tone coming from the American.

"Whats that ?, asked the Irish guy

The American twisted his wrist and pushed a small button in his arm.
"Oh, this is my implant pager, looks like I am needed. See ya !, and the yank walked out.

Paddy was amazed.

Shortly there was a buzzing noise coming from the Japanese guy.

"Whats that?, asked Paddy again.

The Japanes guy raised his arm and pressed his armpit. His arm had a beam of light travelling down it and then the palm of his hand turned into a screen.
"This is my video conferencing implant. Just a short meeting. Won't take long", responded the Japanese fella.

Paddy decided to go to the toilet while this video conference was occuring.

When he rentered the sauna, the Japanese guy was laid back having finished his call.

The Japanese guy then said, "Excuse me for saying, but you appear to still have some paper stuck to your a** !.

Paddy looked up and replied, "Oh , its just a fax coming through!

[Mickeyman]

As long as I don't have to be there when he changes the ink cartridge...

Subject: virus


THE GEORGE W BUSH Virus... (Causes your computer to think it won the election even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)

THE ALGORE Virus... (Causes your computer to just keep counting)

THE CLINTON Virus... (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO
memory)

THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, and then emails your best friends about what it
did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE JESSE JACKSON virus... (Warns you constantly about
illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing
files in the background and rhyming it all)

THE MIKE TYSON virus... (Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 lb, and then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 200)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)

THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your
processor doesn't care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)

And last but not least...............

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch, floppy, then discards it through Windows)