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How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
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How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?
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  Post Number #1  
Old 12th October 2017, 11:26 AM
NikkiQSM

 
 
Total Posts: 306
Unhappy How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

I am writing this to look for advice.

Over the weekend, I received some devastating news. My son, at 6 years old was savagely sexually abused. He is 11 now.

Investigations have begun and charges will be pressed.

I am having a hard time concentrating at work and I am not sure if I should inform my employer. This is huge, and its affecting me so much that I just cant get out of my own head.

I appreciate any thoughts / advice.

Thanks.

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  Post Number #2  
Old 12th October 2017, 11:54 AM
normzone

 
 
Total Posts: 680
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

Sorry to hear that - I would have a talk with HR and give them a heads up that you may need some time off, but you don't have a schedule for it yet. Court dates, etc.

This will serve to clue them that you may not be at your best for a while.

Of course, much depends on your organization - some will be very supportive, others will say " too bad, deal with it. ". It all depends on the grade of humans you are working with.
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  Post Number #3  
Old 12th October 2017, 12:11 PM
GStough's Avatar
GStough

 
 
Total Posts: 1,182
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

If your employer offers an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), take advantage of it. Many of the services provided are discounted and usually have a free first session or consultation. I'm so sorry to hear this news. Develop a network of support among family and close friends; you are going to need them for the road ahead.
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  Post Number #4  
Old 12th October 2017, 01:36 PM
Golfman25

 
 
Total Posts: 977
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

Wow. I think you need time away. I would be useless to my employer under those circumstances. A lot will depend on who your employer is, how many people, your job, etc. If a big organization and you can take vacation, leave of absence, FMLA, etc. I would look at that. If it's a smaller organization and you are a key person, some type of part time, work from home, handle the essential duties arrangement can work. We my kid had some medical issues years ago, I basically became a mobile worker. Laptop in the hospital, cell phone, home office, a couple hours in the office, etc. Hopefully you and your employer can figure out a way to get it done. Good luck.
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  Post Number #5  
Old 12th October 2017, 04:08 PM
Marc's Avatar
Marc

 
 
Total Posts: 26,035
I Say...

My sister Melissa is experienced in this type of scenario. I have asked her to reply in the thread and she said she will.

Quote:
In Reply to Parent Post by NikkiQSM View Post

<snip> I am not sure if I should inform my employer.</snip>
YES! DO! Inform everyone and every "company" involved!
Thank You to Marc for your informative Post and/or Attachment!
  Post Number #6  
Old 12th October 2017, 06:18 PM
lhall45

 
 
Total Posts: 2
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

I was asked to chime in having been a Child Protection worker for over 25 years now. I want to make it clear that I am not an expert. I just have had lots of experience in this area over the years. These thoughts are my own. They have not been studied or proven.

Get professional health. Make sure that whoever you go to has experience and training in the area of sexual abuse. Do this, not just for you, but for your son. In fact, your son is what may give you the strength to do things you could not otherwise do. Your son needs to be able to talk to you, but he will sense it if you are unable to hear what he is saying to you because you can't handle it. He loves you and won't want to hurt you. By the same token, it is important that he know that you are upset, and, I can't emphasize this enough, that you know what happened was NOT his fault. Children assume responsibility, and often perpetrators encourage that acceptance of responsibility to keep a child from telling. Perpetrators are master manipulators.

Understand that because sexual touching is normally pleasurable, he may need to deal with that even though there is pain and terror and shame and numerous other emotions involved. This can raise homosexuality issues/concerns if the perpetrator is same sex. Most sexual abuse victims leave treatment, but have to return at various points in their life.

Never allow your child around someone who has a history of perpetration, even if they and your son have had treatment. There are therapies that address perpetration. Anyone who has been in treatment for child molestation, should have a relapse prevention plan. If they cannot tell you that plan or if part of that plan is that they never, not in one year not in fifty years, will be alone around a child again, they have not completed treatment unless there is something new out there I don't know about.

Get your son professional help. Again, look for someone who has experience in this area. They will give him the tools he needs to not only deal with what happened, but to protect himself now and in the future.

I don't know enough about what happened to know if it is applicable, but most molestation is by someone who knows the child and involves a grooming process. If this was not the case with your son, you are lucky. If it was someone close to him, the molestation involves trust issues that don't arise with strangers.

As far as work and telling your employer, there are pros and cons. Working can offer some distraction from what happened. Just remember that you can't help your son if you don't get help yourself. Therapy will educate you on indicators on how your son is doing, when he may need extra help, etc.

So sorry this happened to you, because it did happen to you even though you didn't know it until recently, and to your son, but both of you can heal and become strong again.
Thank You to lhall45 for your informative Post and/or Attachment!
  Post Number #7  
Old 12th October 2017, 06:23 PM
lhall45

 
 
Total Posts: 2
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

One last thing. Your son may, at times, be angry with you feeling that you should have known. As children, we expect our parents to be omnipotent. Anger, as you probably know, toward a spouse, child, parent, etc., isn't always rational. But while emotions are not always rational, it does not mean that they aren't real. Don't let it crush you. Just assure him that you didn't know and that you would never knowingly allow anyone to hurt him.
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  Post Number #8  
Old 12th October 2017, 07:01 PM
Ronen E

 
 
Total Posts: 3,526
Re: How to Handle Family Issue While Still Working?

It is shocking. Try not to stay alone. If possible, tell people around you so that they know what’s going on with you.

And please come here for support if we can help somehow.
Thank You to Ronen E for your informative Post and/or Attachment!
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