Southern Women & Southerners

[Randy]

My wife got this in an email and I just have to pass it along....Especially to you Yankees

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy Bob!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Mama 'n' em?"


Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Nascar

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Sliced 'maters
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Mobile
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.


Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."


Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."


Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly"is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."


Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.


All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.


Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece."They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20


Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.


No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"..... we talk to everybody!


Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.


In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.


Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.


Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.


When you hear someone say , "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!


Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!


And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.."


Southern girls know men may come and go,but friends are fahevah !

Now........ Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could

 

[Craig H.]

I got here as fast as I could, and I AIN'T LEAVIN'!!!

 

[John Nabors - 2009]

Just one minor clarification for all of you non-Southerners:

'Directly' is 'bout long as it takes to git over yonder and git back, longer if Charlene is runnin the caish register.

 

[John Nabors - 2009]

Just another little aside: my mother was born and raised in Orlando when Orlando was just a sleepy little town in the middle of the orange groves. She married my Dad in 1963 and moved with him to North Carolina. Now, please bear in mind that Floridian is a slightly variant sub-species of Southerner.

One of my Mom's little sayings: "It wasn't until I married Johnny that I found out it was possible to eat fish without grits and collard greens!"

But then it was way more parochial in Statesville NC when Mom and Dad moved up there (and I was born). Mom likes to say, "In Statesville back then, the spice department of the grocery store consisted of salt and pepper.."

Regards -John

 

[Jim Wynne]

Just one minor clarification for all of you non-Southerners:

'Directly' is 'bout long as it takes to git over yonder and git back, longer if Charlene is runnin the caish register.

Do you mean "dreckly"? It could be as long as a high-far. (half hour, for those of you scoring at home)

 

[Randy Stewart]

Randy, 1 item I didn't see mentioned was Winder Lights.

Grandparents and parents were from Bluefield WV. I never got a taste for Red Eye gravy or grits. I've tried grits plain, with jelly, butter, syrup and honey never could really eat them. But sausage gravy and home made biscuits! Get out my way!

My 1st wife was from PA and one of their sayings is You'ins. You'ins going to the store, etc. Well once we were in SC for a while she would say You'ins All!

 

[Randy]

You'ins, us'ins, we'ins, well I swan and here be whut we gonna did.

Oh...WV ain't really in the South and that goes back to 1861, it's more like borderish, but they try hard

 

[SteelMaiden]

lol! the spice dept at the Food Lion still consists of salt and pepper, plus shrimp and crab seasoning.

 

[arios]

And Southerners may not speak the "English of the Queen", but they do speak the "English of the King".......Elvis!

 

[Jim Wynne]

Randy, 1 item I didn't see mentioned was Winder Lights.

Grandparents and parents were from Bluefield WV. I never got a taste for Red Eye gravy or grits. I've tried grits plain, with jelly, butter, syrup and honey never could really eat them. But sausage gravy and home made biscuits! Get out my way!

My 1st wife was from PA and one of their sayings is You'ins. You'ins going to the store, etc. Well once we were in SC for a while she would say You'ins All!

I from North Carolina orginally, and my wife was born and raised in Chicago. Except for a trip to Florida (which doesn't really count) she had never been in the South before we took a trip down after we were married. We stopped at a roadside diner in Tennessee for breakfast one morning and my wife ordered sausage and eggs. The waitress asked if she wanted what sounded to the uninitiated like "gritzertaters," and Joyce had no idea what she was being asked. I had to translate.