Boss is too hard on me....

[BradM]

Nikki, I think it shows a lot of courage for you to come here and ask for help.

Honestly, I could sit here and spin off a bunch of answers to you. However, I'm not in your shoes. So the answers would be easy, but may not work for you.

I realize times are tough. But you know... how much is worth it.

Let's say.... you're getting paid $200,000 USD a year. Would it be worth it to put up with the treatment?

What about... $400,000? Would it be worth it? Would you feel better? Would you be "less" sick?

I'm just suggesting that I have seen a lot of people working at The Container Store and Home Depot, barely getting by, but as happy as they could possibly be. I know you have bills to pay, but pay is not worth being abused.
***

Does he do this with everybody? Do people stand up against him? What do his customers think about all this?

 

[biboy2012]

Turn the other cheek. Don't run or fight, but stand your ground all the same.


Edit: Don't run doesn't mean don't resign.

 

[Chennaiite]

I am not sure how big is your Organization, but is it possible for you to change to a different function where you can manage minimal interaction with this guy? If so, you can get it done by citing some diplomatic reasons and can consider it as a temporary measure. In a long term, of course, a different job is the solution. Thankfully you will have the confidence to manage any Boss after this bad experience. Just an idea. I wish you will soom come out of it. All the Best.

 

[JaneB]

Nikki,
That sounds awful.

He sounds like a bully, certainly. And not someone who has any real people management skills. People who yell and scream profanity in your face, make degrading comments or scold people in others' hearing are not role models of anything except how not to do it. Wanting to make you better? Don't make me laugh. That's just his self-justification for poor behaviour.

Ultimately of course, you will have to make your own decision ab out what is right for you. If you decide to continue to work for the money, that's OK. Then you need to remind yourself that's why you put up with it. If you decide to seek other employment, that sounds like a better idea (to me) but I'm not in your shoes.

I can tell you that I spent a couple of years in a very bad situation at work when a new boss took over, and that ultimately I had a stress breakdown. (Tried everything, tried finding a new attitude, etc etc, but ultimately failed). It took me at least a year off work to recover and didn't do my finances any good at all, of course. Although ultimately, what I learned was very well worth it. (One of the main things I learned was about taking better care of myself, and not to remain in a poor situation, for whatever reason.) But that's me, not you.

Don't bother 'asking' him to stop. He won't. He might at least turn it down if you learned how to refuse to take it: for example, I had one boss once who used to yell and scream - this was some years after the one where I had the stress breakdown. But I'd learned better techniques by then. I just looked away, stared out the window, and I can remember spending quite a while mentally tracing the outline of a cloud while this noise in the room went on... eventually it dawned on him that it wasn't working. On another occasion, where this time I was closer to the door, I quietly got up, said something like 'I suggest we continue this later when it can be discussed in a calm manner' and left the building for a 20-minute 'calm myself down' break. He did learn to modify his behaviour around me, but only because I changed my behaviour toward him, refusing to put up with such unacceptable behaviour at work.

It did help that I had a good counsellor (during the stress breakdown) to explore why I stayed and how I could respond to certain situations differently. Might that be worth exploring?

 

[kgott]

Authoritarian leaders are rarely good to work for because their decision making is rarely consistent and sooner or later you will conclude that no matter what you do you cannot get things right a sufficiently enough times to please them and so you will begin to fear for your job.


Such leaders will place you in a position of dependency and more importantly they will erode your confidence in yourself and your knowledge.


In any event no-one has the right to abuse you in any shape or form. Verbal abuse can be viewed as a form of assault.


I would suggest that the best thing you can do is to look for another job ... now.

 

[RoxaneB]

Nikki,

I echo both the sympathy and the advice you have already received. It is one thing to not enjoy one's job but to have it escalate into health issues is something entirely different.

While the economy and job market may not be ideal, you can look for another job without leaving the current pay cheque behind for the time being. And that's what you should call it now. It's not a career. It's not even a job. It's a pay cheque that allows you provide for your family.

This may sound slight superficial, but what is your work space like? Do you have something there that brightens it up? Honestly, having one or two items to look at which allow a momentary reprieve from the unhealthy work environment can give you some time to regroup, recentre and hopefully avoid future chest pains.

One of my first jobs had some adverse health consequences with me. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. And one morning, while sitting in my car in the driveway, I opened the car door, leaned out, was physically sick and then proceeded to drive to work. It wasn't long afterwards that I handed in my resignation. I had been asked to do something unethical with regards to one of our major clients and it was eating away at me. Upon my resignation, the president offered me a transfer into sales! :mg: I politely declined stating that when I resign from a company, I resign...100%. A year or two later, the company went out of business.

I have been in a similar position as you where an individual said that he was treating me the way he did to make me stronger and better. After much soul searching and some conversations with a professional, I stood up for myself. I said I wasn't any stronger or better...but I was seriously pi$$ed off and if he didn't back off immediately, there would be consequences. He did back off and I continued to stand up for myself. I refused to allow this individual to run my life...he was allowed to be a part of it, but he was neither my king nor master.

Your family is #1, Nikki...and for that I applaud you. I understand your need to provide for them. But you can not continue to do so if you are unable to provide for yourself. I don't mean financially. I mean mentally and physically. Your family wants you to come home with a smile on your face. A good day at the office will frequently transition into a good evening at home.

That Director who stood up to your boss by saying "Excuse me?"...mimic him. I know it's frightening to imagine. Raise an eyebrow and say "Excuse me?" Say nothing else. And if it continues, I suggest saying "Please come and find me later when you're able to have a coherent and intelligent conversation without insulting me." Get up and leave the area. Your palms will be sweaty. Your knees will be shaking. But you CAN do this!!!

In the meantime, brush off and brush up that resume and start looking for your next job that will allow you to regain your confidence and health.

 

[Martin IT]

Dear Nikki,

in my opinion your health is more important than money. I worked for a terrible boss and even if I loved my job I decided to change it. It was a great decision! I feel better now and when I see my ex-collegues and listen to them complaint about my ex-boss I feel really happy of my decision.

My best for you!

 

[NikkiQSM]

I am just not sure how much more I can take. I had to put on a Production Meeting this morning. While discussing the percentage of scrap (which I calculate and pass onto him) he made it a point to announce to the entire room, filled with production employees, that my scrap numbers never match his. All of these little things, just keep piling up....

I wish I could change my job. Anyone know maybe a good work from home program or anything? I just cant keep going through this...

 

[Stijloor]

I am just not sure how much more I can take. I had to put on a Production Meeting this morning. While discussing the percentage of scrap (which I calculate and pass onto him) he made it a point to announce to the entire room, filled with production employees, that my scrap numbers never match his. All of these little things, just keep piling up....

I wish I could change my job. Anyone know maybe a good work from home program or anything? I just cant keep going through this...

Nikki,

We all understand your pain and frustration. You have received excellent advice. The ball is now in your court. Please remember that nobody can abuse you without your permission. The fact that you are there and continue to accept this abuse sends a message to that a$$hole that he can continue with that abusive behavior. I am sorry to sound tough, but you have to make a decision.

Wishing you strength.

Stijloor.

 

[troymason]

Write down everything that is said to you ant time and date and specially people present.