Computer Tech Support

Al Rosen

Leader
Super Moderator
#1
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one!
=================================

Tech support:What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer:
A white one...


===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No
, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


===! ======= =====


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Wou! ld you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


============== =


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


===============


Customer:! My keyboard is not working anymore.
Techsupport: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


===============


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters
?


== =============


Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


===============


Tech support: What anti-virus pr ogram do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


===============


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
[FONT=Com! ic Sans MS][FONT=Com! ic Sans MS]
[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=Com! ic Sans MS][FONT=Com! ic Sans MS]
[/FONT]
[/FONT]===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press th e control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
 
Elsmar Forum Sponsor

Wes Bucey

Prophet of Profit
#2
I sympathize [maybe empathize?] with these folks calling for help.

I paid a lot of money for my computer, but the cup holder that slides out when I push the button seems awfully flimsy.

Every time I emailed questions to my tech support, he/she [who knows what gender? The name was "Pat!"] would always email back, "RTFM!" It took me three years and a trip to http://www.acronymfinder.com to discover it meant "Read The Fscking Manual (Fsck is a Unix filesystem checker)"
 
A

Atul Khandekar

#3
an old one...

After you finish reading, press any key.................if you can find it !
 
J

JerryStem

#4
I had a friend in tech support and another who owns his own computer sales/repair store. I get plenty of stories.....

Hold on, this stupid foot pedal isn't working right..... :)

Jerry
(Alltime fav was the 1/2 hour ordeal where 'puter didn't work at all. Tech says check cable behind the tower, lady says hold on need to move it to a window. Tech says why? Lady says the power's out & can't see anything...)
 
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