Corrective Actions - Specifically closing out and verifying effectiveness

A

Andy Bassett

#21
Corrective Actions

Marc

Can you tell me where i can find the post about the supposed list of 'Corrective Actions' in a major airline.

Dead bugs on screen....

Live bugs on order.... etc etc

I want to use in a monthlym newsletter that i am producing for a company.

Regards

Andy
 
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Marc

Hunkered Down for the Duration with a Mask on...
Staff member
Admin
#22
I remember it but can't remember where (if?) I have it. Will look over the holiday.
 
A

Andy Bassett

#23
Hello Marc

I found it at; http://Elsmar.com/ubb/Forum31/HTML/000010.html

I used a mind-blowing new tool that i have just discovered, my brain, and learnt how your search function works.

As an aside, i tend to find that i am spending large amounts of time looking for these 'witty comments'. I know that humour doesnt normally belong in the ISO/Quality environment, but i find that it helpts to swallow a lot of the dry stuff. For example this i will use to explain to a company why it is important to report corrective actions.

Do you have a corner on your site where this stuff is or could be put.

Regards
------------------
Andy B
 

Marc

Hunkered Down for the Duration with a Mask on...
Staff member
Admin
#24
...I know that humour doesnt normally belong in the ISO/Quality environment...
Au contraire! Humour fits in here quite well. Any contributions are appreciated!
 
J

Jim Biz

#25
Andy - the most humorus part- AND/OR the saddest part whichever way you look at it) is that with the Dilbets I've seen - I can name someone in our organization that should relate pretty well to the characters actions/opinions/attitudes - and if the right people actually took a flexible overview they could find ways of improvement in them...

Have you ever read "The Change Agents Handbook" (David Hutton)- it goes into some straight forward details on managing personal QA Guy frustration, zero's in on many of the "feeling unwanted/ or why can't I personally change this- aspects" with the added plus that it takes a humorous approch when needed..

Regards
Jim

[This message has been edited by Jim Biz (edited 28 April 2000).]
 
A

Andy Bassett

#26
Maybe you are right, but most of the humour i see tends to be of the sarcastic type;

I recently read the 'Dilbert Principle' (well the Stagecoach doesnt reach Donegal in Winter), and i cant help but cringe a little when he takes a swipe at many of the things that we as consultants and trying to implement; Quality Systems, Team Working, Continuous Improvement etc etc.

He actually makes a list of actvities that he regards as NOT FUNDAMENTAL, and if you are participating in them you are one-level removed from your people or your product. Justlook as some of these items;

Quality Faire
Process Improvement Team
ISO 9000
Standards
Policy Improvement etc etc.

What shall we do Marc, Im feeling unloved and unwanted?

I could have discounted him as a simple sceptic who doesnt make any positive contributions, but in his last chapter he actually suggest how a good company should be run (could this be the forerunner for the next ISO 9000 2001)

For example;

Eliminate the Assholes
Let employees dress anyway they want, decorate their workspaces anyway they want...
Eliminate any artificial 'creativity' processes in the company such as the Employee Suggestion Plan or Quality Teams
Create an environment that supports curiosity and learning.
Teach employees how to be efficient
Keep meetings short
Blow off low-priority meetings.
etc etc

I have a problem...i can identify with what hes saying, maybe i am ready for a career change.

Regards



------------------
Andy B
 

Marc

Hunkered Down for the Duration with a Mask on...
Staff member
Admin
#27
What career do you propose changing to, Andy? Sail boat captain?
 

Marc

Hunkered Down for the Duration with a Mask on...
Staff member
Admin
#28
Dilbert Newsletter 22.0
----------------------------

To: Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC)
From: Scott Adams
Date: December 1998


Highlights:
------------------------------------------------
- Chain letter responses
- Dogbert Answers My Mail
- True Tales Of Induhviduals
- Holiday Story
------------------------------------------------


DNRC Status
----------------

The DNRC now boasts over one billion members. I can say this because history books are written by the winners. After Dogbert conquers the world, all DNRC members will be winners. I plan to take credit for inventing gunpowder and algebra. Look for the sign-up sheet.

DNRC Time Management Tip -----------------------------------

I know you're all busy this time of year. That's why I bring you this DNRC Time Management Tip:

When your manager gives you a folder full of
assignments, try throwing it away.

Chain Letters
----------------

Lately I've received many e-mail "chain letters" from Induhviduals who believe they will get sick or die if the chain is broken. I have this image of an Induhvidual lighting up a cigarette, eating his bacon and meatloaf sandwich, and forwarding the chain letter in order to reduce his risk of illness.

To end the plague of chain e-mail, I recommend that all DNRC members respond to chain e-mail with the message below. Eventually all of the offenders will die from psychosomatic illnesses.

Chain Letter Response: "I recently received your chain letter. Over 1,000 people have sent me chain letters, and every one of them has died within six months, probably from the "Chain Letter Sender's Curse." You will probably die soon if you experience any of the following symptoms: 1) Tiredness at bedtime, 2) Hunger just before lunch, 3) Inability to remember your license plate number, or 4) Stupidity."

Dogbert Answers My Mail
--------------------------------

In this section, Dogbert answers the mail that I'm too polite to answer myself. These are all based on real letters, edited for readability. The names have been changed to make them more amusing.


Dear Mr. Adams,

I am writing to you with utmost urgency from Lagos, Nigeria. This is an investment opportunity that you will not want to miss. Ten million dollars in gold bullion has been discovered in a bank account in my family's name. But due to our current cash flow situation, we cannot afford the outrageous bank processing and legal fees to take possession of this gold which is rightfully ours. I am proposing that your kind self wire me $10,000 U.S. to cover these fees, and in return you will receive one million dollars wired to your account after we take possession of the gold. Please respond. Time is of the essence.

Swinhar

Dear Swindler,

Mr. Adams doesn't know much about Nigeria, but everything he has heard would lead him to believe that your offer is an excellent investment opportunity with no downside risk whatsoever. Unfortunately, all of Mr. Adams' money is already tied up in the Nigerian court system and he does not have the cash to pay his attorneys to get it back. I propose that you wire Mr. Adams whatever money you do have, then he will free his money for your use. He will also send you a free toaster for doing business with him. It's a win-win scenario.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

---

Dear Mr. Adams,

I am starting a webzine called Gnatzass and need your help. Although we have no subscribers yet, my plan is this: If we get only 10% of the total Internet traffic our first year, that would be great. That's where you come in. I'd like to do an interview with you for the zine. Please answer this one question by Tuesday, in 1500 words. The question is: "Who are all the Internet companies and what's good and bad about each one?" I hope this is not an imposition.

Brendan

Dear Braindead,

Mr. Adams is never too busy to help a stranger in a hopeless cause. He'll get right on it. Mr. Adams also asked me to pass along an out-of- the-box strategy for your webzine. It's a vast improvement on your current strategy and it goes like this: What if you get only 20% of the total Internet traffic in your first year, wouldn't that be much greater than 10%? If you have a financial advisor, you might want to run that calculation past him just to be safe.

Sincerely,

Dogbert
---

Dear Mr. Adams,

I'm from the Philippines. I e-mail you because I need your help. I am a college student and I have to do a report of your book The Dilbert Future and I need the summary of your book ... please send me immediately... at least five pages... thank you very much... hope you'll help me...

Luzon


Dear Luzer,

Mr. Adams will start work on your assignment immediately. While you're waiting, you might want to hedge your bets by learning a skill that does not depend on a college degree. I understand you are from the Philippines, where there are many coconuts. I recommend drilling three holes in each coconut and selling them to morons as bowling balls. If you don't know where to find any customers who can't tell the difference between a coconut and a bowling ball, I recommend selling them to yourself. If that doesn't provide enough money for you to live comfortably, try doubling the price.

Sincerely,

Dogbert


---


Dear Mr. Adams,

E-mail me about this, okay -- how do you come up with these comics?

Lydia


Dear Lydiot,

Creativity is a mysterious process involving large blocks of aged cheese, a table fan, and a balloon filled with M&Ms. Used properly, these items, plus a little bit of luck, can produce award-winning comics.

Some people think the brain is involved in cartooning, but I have known Mr. Adams for many years and I can assure you it is not.

Sincerely,


Dogbert

---


Dilbert In Service To Humanity
--------------------------------------

This report just in from the field:

"I am taking a senior-level MIS course. Our professor (who has almost no work experience) gave us an assignment of coming up with a vision statement for our school's information systems organization. A friend of mine, not wanting to spend the hours that I and other students spent fabricating a bogus statement, enlisted the aid of the Dilbert Zone (www.dilbert.com) and the Mission Statement Generator that generates nonsense Mission Statements.

The next day, the professor put my friend's vision statement up on the overhead projector and presented it as an exemplary piece of work."


True Tales Of Induhviduals --------------------------------

Induhviduals continue to pursue their destiny of providing cheap entertainment for the rest of us. Here are some more allegedly true reports from DNRC operatives in the field.


Tale 1

The manager of the IT department wrote that he needed some information regarding what he called the "Y2000K compliancy problem."

He's really thinking ahead.


Tale 2

I went to get a soda and noticed a woman trying unsuccessfully to get the soda machine to accept her dollar bill. She asked for assistance. I helpfully pushed the Coke button, one popped out, I grabbed it and started walking away. Now cleared of the "problem," the machine accepted her dollar. Her reply: "Thank you."


Tale 3

One day while leaving work I saw the security guard for our building, looking confused, standing in the parking lot. I asked what the problem was, and she replied that her car was missing. Suddenly she recalled that earlier in the day she had ordered a car towed from the reserved parking area.

It was her car.


Tale 4

This one comes to us from an Australian operative:

At the start of English class one morning a girl complained she did not have a chair to sit on. Our teacher told her to wait a moment while she went to the room next door to check if they had any spares. She left by the door at the front of our classroom and entered a moment later through the door at the rear of our class. Unaware that she had reentered the same room, she said, "Do you have any extra chairs?"

"No," someone replied.

"Okay," she said, and left.

She reentered the door in the front of the room and said, "I'm sorry, they don't have any chairs. You will just have to kneel."

To this day she is unaware what the laughter was for.

Truth In Signs
------------------

A DNRC operative reports seeing this sign in front of a local convenience store:

"Good People Wanted and Managers too!"

---

I saw this sign at the Blackhawk Cinema:

"Children under 16 must watch R-rated movies with a parent. No exceptions."

This made me wonder about the unfortunate kids who don't want to watch any R-rated movies at all. Are they forced to do it?

Correction
------------

In the last newsletter I taught you how to use Induhviduals for traction if your car gets stuck in the snow. A DNRC member wrote to say this was wrong of me.

The wrong part is that I told you to trick Induhviduals into making contact with the "rear wheels" and then flooring the gas pedal. I should have said "drive wheels" not "rear wheels" to account for front- wheel drive cars.


My Acting Career
---------------------

Depending where you live, you might be seeing me in the new barnesandnoble.com TV commercials. I play the role of a Dilbert cartoonist with too much makeup and no acting skill whatsoever. Several other authors play themselves in the other commercials in the series.

The blonde actor who talks to me in my episode is holding my new hardcover book, The Joy Of Work. You have to stand up and look at the TV from an angle to see the title on the book. You can't see it from your couch. (Note: Dilbert books are easy to wrap and they make lovely gifts.)


Dilbert TV Show Update
------------------------------

The launch date is set: Jan 25, 1999 at 8 PM. That's when you'll see the animated pilot episode of "Dilbert" on UPN. If you live in the United States, and you can get the UPN network, be sure to tune in. I don't have any information about future availability outside the U.S., but I can assure you we are bent on total global domination. Please be patient.


Dilbert Web Site Upgrade -------------------------------


We're upgrading The Dilbert Zone web site to make the best parts easier to find, and to make the colors less obvious from a distance, in case you're at work. Look for these changes in the New Year, at http://www.dilbert.com.

The redesigned Dilbert Store is available now (http://www.umstore.com/dilbert/). There are many new items, including the Dilbert M&M's candy dispenser, and you can get free items when you spend $50 or more.


Advantages of DNRC Membership -----------------------------------------

These two messages prove there are immediate and tangible advantages to DNRC membership. You don't have to wait for Dogbert's conquest of civilization to start reaping benefits.

Advantage 1 -- Better Jobs:

"I work in a high-tech recruiting firm, and today was the first time I saw a resume come across my desk that proclaimed "DNRC Member" as one of the qualifications! Straight to the top of the stack!

This ought to be standard practice, so we can all make sure that we fill our places of employment with fellow DNRC members."

Advantage 2 -- Better Grades:

(Note: some naughty words have been redacted)

"Dilbert saved my (redacted) once in college. I was habitually absent from a political science class last year, and if it wasn't for Dilbert I would have had NO CLUE as to what words like paradigm meant! Needless to say I bull(redacted) my way to a C on the midterm exam, all thanks to Dilbert and his animal buddies! Thanks for a (redacted)load of laughs, keep 'em coming!"

Holiday Story -----------------

In the tradition of the Dilbert Newsletter, I include my holiday story with no attempt at humor.

Between the ages of twelve and fifteen I earned money by shoveling snow during the frigid winter months in Windham, New York. My best customers were a retired Greek couple -- Mr. and Mrs. Amanatides -- who lived half a mile from my house. The standing agreement was that on any morning after a snowfall I would arrive at their house at 6 a.m. and shovel the sidewalk prior to Mr. Amanatides' morning walk to town.

This was no small task for a 95-pound kid. It was challenge enough to reach their house through the snow. Usually the roads weren't plowed yet, so I'd take the back way, often crawling through waist-high snowdrifts. I'd be exhausted before the shoveling even began.

As sidewalks go, this was a big job. The Amanatides' walkway went around the entire perimeter of the house and included a patio area and several sets of steps. I was instructed to shovel four inches past the edge of the sidewalk on each side to allow for proper drainage when the snow melted. I had to shovel like a crazed beaver to finish in time for school. After school, I would return and do the driveway.

It was hard work, but it paid embarrassingly well. At a time when five dollars would have been fair pay for an hour of work, Mr. Amanatides volunteered twenty. I was so uncomfortable with that amount that one day I decided to convince him to pay me less. I didn't mind the hard work, but I couldn't bear taking so much money from this nice man.

Normally we didn't talk much. I was always in a hurry and he was a man of few words. Maybe that's why I remember the conversation so well.

After the shoveling was done, I tried my reverse-negotiating technique. I insisted he pay me less from now on. Mr. Amanatides did a quick read on the situation and told me to put my shovel down and listen. He explained his thinking in simple terms, distilled from seventy years of living. When he was done, I thanked him for the money and never brought up the topic again.

Mr. Amanatides passed away some years ago. He didn't get to see that his overpaid snow-shoveler turned out okay. Although he's gone physically, he bought a bit of immortality that cold winter morning, when he looked at the skinny kid from Windham and told him something that many people never hear in their lives. He said, in his thick Greek accent, "You're worth it."

This holiday season, make yourself immortal. Let someone know how much they're worth. You'll be surprised how long they remember it.

Thanks to all of you for making this a great year for me. Have a great holiday and a great 1999.

Scott Adams

=================================================

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For a complete of available Dilbert products, send an e-mail to
[email protected] in this format:
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that. You'll receive an e-mail listing the licensee for each
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----------------------------------------

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Don't include any other information. Your e-mail address
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You can also subscribe on the Web by visiting The
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A

AJPaton

#29
Only one person would be sending posts at this hour on a Saturday morning.
I'm tired, and couldn't believe that the only update in the Cove since I left work was posted when it was.
I'm fairly new to this quality biz, is everyone dedicated to ungodly hours in the pursuit of excellence?
By the way Andy, my brother-in-law has tried the sailboat captain gig. It's even more uncertain work than Wally's position of human weed in the Corporate Garden.
Of course, this is the same brother-in-law that tried to convince me that there were two international datelines. (He's a sailor, he's required to know these things.)
Tired and grumpy. I'm going to look at the Boeing reports again, just to raise my spirits.

AJP
 

Marc

Hunkered Down for the Duration with a Mask on...
Staff member
Admin
#30
Originally posted by AJPaton:

...there were two international datelines...
The one you cross going east and the other one is the one you cross going west! Lemme see....
 
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