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Golf Humor

R

Randy Stewart

#1
Subject: Golfing with my wife..


One must be careful to phrase a sentence or an observation carefully...

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two
black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one
of the cows had something white in its rear end.'

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's
butt.'
'Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey honey, this
looks like yours!'

I don't remember much after that...

 
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Wes Bucey

Prophet of Profit
#2
This joke sort of falls in line with the tasteless one about one golfer of a long-time foursome dropping dead at the third tee.

When asked about it at the nineteenth hole, one of the remaining three golfers exclaimed, "It was the most horrible golf day of our lives! The rest of the afternoon, it was 'Hit the ball, drag Harry.'"
 
T

TheKaiz

#3
Heres a little motivation for some of us not so good golfers on determing good shots from bad shots. I kind old gentlemen waiting on the tee box behind my group witnessed one of my less than impressive golf shots and...

He replied. Good shot.

I shrugged him off, Ya right.

He looked right at me and said. You can hit it again can't you?

I said you know your right!
 

Jim Wynne

Staff member
Admin
#4
Heres a little motivation for some of us not so good golfers on determing good shots from bad shots. I kind old gentlemen waiting on the tee box behind my group witnessed one of my less than impressive golf shots and...

He replied. Good shot.

I shrugged him off, Ya right.

He looked right at me and said. You can hit it again can't you?

I said you know your right!
Reminds me of the time when a friend and I were paired up with another two guys we didn't know, and who were considerably better golfers. Along about the eighth hole, when our playing partners' patience was wearing thin, I shanked a drive that landed about thirty yards away.
One of the guys said, "Do you mind if I give you a little tip?"
"Please do," I replied.
"I think you're standing too close to the ball," he said.
"Really?" I said, "I'll try and move back a little next time."
"I mean after you hit it," he said.
 
R

Randy Stewart

#5
Dear Family and Friends,
You may not know it but I have been very busy over the past two years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about Golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy.
Here is the Table of Contents from my new book: "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and inside information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners and what improved their games.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your fourth putt.
Chapter 2 - How to hit a Titleist from the rough when you hit a Maxfli from the Tee.
Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the shank.
Chapter 5 - When to give the ranger the finger.
Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the greens to distract your opponent.
Chapter 7 - When to implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post undetected.
Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6 hour round.
Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 12 - Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - How to let a foursome play through your twosome.
Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.
Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three-putt.
Chapter 17 - When to re-grip your ball retriever.
Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the Hand-Wedge and a weak slip on The Foot-Wedge.
The Final Chapter is best:
Chapter 19 - Why male golfers will pay $7.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and then stiff the bartender.
Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.
 

Wes Bucey

Prophet of Profit
#6
Dear Family and Friends,
You may not know it but I have been very busy over the past two years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about Golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy.
Here is the Table of Contents from my new book: "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and inside information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners and what improved their games.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your fourth putt.
Chapter 2 - How to hit a Titleist from the rough when you hit a Maxfli from the Tee.
Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the shank.
Chapter 5 - When to give the ranger the finger.
Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the greens to distract your opponent.
Chapter 7 - When to implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post undetected.
Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6 hour round.
Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 12 - Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - How to let a foursome play through your twosome.
Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.
Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three-putt.
Chapter 17 - When to re-grip your ball retriever.
Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the Hand-Wedge and a weak slip on The Foot-Wedge.
The Final Chapter is best:
Chapter 19 - Why male golfers will pay $7.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and then stiff the bartender.
Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.
I actually have a trophy for the topic in Chapter 10 - It reads,
"Awarded to Wes Bucey for the most creative excuse for taking 3 hours to complete the 19th Hole"
 
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