Your procedure has a lot of information that could be streamlined and some of the steps removed or merged. Each blue section is not really about a job it is about a function. You can use each blue section to answer a question. The question isn't sales admin. The first section is about handling sales inquires. You don't need to repeat the process map branch questions. I think this is confusing and hard to read. I would eliminate all If... Otherwise... statements. Do you need to say "forward" or "inform"? What does that mean? Email, phone call, walk it over to their desk... If that is what you mean then say it.
For example:
1. Sales Admin receives inquiries from buyers, checks for available units, and informs buyer of prices.
2. Sales Admin must confirm special payment terms (is special defined as an NPVO?) with Business Development Officer.
3. Business Development Officer computes new NPVO (is NPVO defined?) and obtains approval (are approval criteria defined?) from the CFO.
Your first 12 steps have been reduced to three... perhaps you could reduce your whole procedure to 12 steps. Add some definitions and expand on responsibilities and you are done. If you want to make it a real process definition then I would add effectiveness criteria like inquiries/day, approvals/day, risk per order, etc. and how those are recorded and used.
I would add more detail to things like "check for completeness" what does complete mean? What is a standard payment term? Do you have "documentary requirements"? is this a form or document? Overall it's a good start. I would focus on readability and flow and not worry about the number of steps, although the number of steps could be an indication of poor readability.