I Married a Monster from ISO 9000

Sidney Vianna

Post Responsibly
Staff member
Admin
#1
From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/05/24/verity_stob/

The solemnisation of the quality system


The service is traditionally held in the offices of a software house, as a St Audit's day substitute for matins.

The congregation are gathered in the programmers' kitchenette, sipping coffee.
Opening procession
The Quality Manager and Managing Director process through the office, regarding with dismay the documents strewn across desks, semi-dismantled PCs, disordered shelves, age-faded xkcd cartoons taped to monitors in a fire- and hap- hazard manner, overflowing paper-recycling facilities and so on. The service begins with the prayer for tidiness.
Prayer for tidiness
Managing Director: Oh God. Make speed to clean up!
The Congregation: Oh Christ! Is it the audit?
Quality Manager: Oh God, you had forgotten?
Managing Director: If any person here knows any just reason why the auditor should not recertify us today, let him hold his peace now or forever sod off.
The Congregation: Amen.
First hymn
Quality Manager: Let us rise, and sing the first hymn.
We hide the dross and scatter
The good stuff in full view.
But does it really matter
Our metrics are askew?
With nonconforming product,
What can we hope to gain?
The prize for our misconduct
Is soft, refreshing pain.
Of all the software standards
Nine kay's the one we hate.
But thank the Lord, yes thank the Lord,
S'not six-one-five-oh-eight.
 
Elsmar Forum Sponsor
J
#2
Wow - A lot more in that article than what you posted.

Really funny how true it is, or can be - -

Great stuff

James
 
S

sarah0305

#3
OH!!!!!!!! God i needed that to make my day worth being at work.
I took some time away from self educating myself here to come get some relief.:bonk:
I see its not all about standards, there is a sence of humour here.
:thanx:
Sarah
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
N Getting Married - How Will It Affect My Taxes? Coffee Break and Water Cooler Discussions 14
N Where is the romance? Help topic for the married Coffee Break and Water Cooler Discussions 122
A Married for a night Funny Stuff - Jokes and Humour 0
Manix Monster VW GOLF W12 - The Stuff Dreams are Made of! World News 2
ScottK I updated my information on Monster and got... Career and Occupation Discussions 31
Jen Kirley Taming the Training Expense Monster The Reading Room 16
C ISO/IEC 17021-1 clause 7.1.2 - Determination of competence criteria Document Control Systems, Procedures, Forms and Templates 2
G ISO 17023 2017-11 - Suggestions for good books ISO 17025 related Discussions 0
B Timeframe for updating QMS / transitioning from ISO 14971:2012 to ISO 14971:2019 ISO 14971 - Medical Device Risk Management 3
M ISO 9001:2015 and AS6081:2012 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 2
B Gage calibration frequency, ISO and IATF - What are the requirements Calibration Frequency (Interval) 3
M FDA News FDA Releases Draft Guidance Clarifying Application of ISO 10993-1 Biocompatibility Standard Medical Device and FDA Regulations and Standards News 0
C Implementation ISO 9001: 2015 ? ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 3
C ISO/ IEC 17021 Resource requirement (need help) Document Control Systems, Procedures, Forms and Templates 5
J Possible to get ISO 13485 certified with only OEM Product? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
D ISO 14971:2019 vs MDR Annex 1, Requirement #4 - "Manufacturers shall inform users of any residual risks" ISO 14971 - Medical Device Risk Management 2
D Definition of equipment for ISO 13485:2016 ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 0
L Biological Assessment (ISO 10993-1) Other Medical Device Related Standards 1
M ISO 13485:2016 Complaint Definition Clarity Customer Complaints 2
eule del ayre Documented Information - Periodic Review of Documents? IATF 16949:2016 / ISO 9001:2015 IATF 16949 - Automotive Quality Systems Standard 34
J ISO 9001:2015, ISO 14001 & OHSAS18000 (IMS) ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 1
G ISO 14001 - 6.1.3 Compliance Obligations ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 1
D Rules for Paper Forms outside of an eQMS - 3 Questions (ISO 13485) Document Control Systems, Procedures, Forms and Templates 9
S Qualification question - ISO 13485 Reliability Analysis - Predictions, Testing and Standards 0
K ISO 13485 clause 8.5.2 'Any necessary CA shall be taken without undue delay' ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 10
Aymaneh ISO 11607-1: 2019 main changes Other Medical Device Related Standards 2
G National Structural Steel Specification 7th Edition - Do I now have to be audited against ISO 3843-3 as well as ISO 9001? ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 1
J How much to charge for helping a startup company with initial ISO 13485 certification? Consultants and Consulting 3
J ISO 13485 System 'soft start' - How to best reflect this in initial audits, management review minutes and other records? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 3
L How to understand the clause 6 Planning of ISO 9001:2015 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 11
D ISO 13485 - 7.3.6 Design and development verification - Do most folks create a separate SOP? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
B ISO 8536-4 Contamination Index ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 0
S Practical Implementation of ISO 14971 ISO 14971 - Medical Device Risk Management 6
C ISO 13485 :2016 - CAPA - Does every CAPA need to be checked by regulations? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 9
L Process changes and biocompatibility (ISO 10993-1) Other Medical Device Related Standards 1
J Recommendations for online ISO 19011 training? Training - Internal, External, Online and Distance Learning 6
D ISO 13485 8.2.1 and 8.2.2 - Customer Feedback and Customer Complaints ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 5
S Requirements to obtain ISO 50001 Certification ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 2
A ISO 11135:2014, B.1.4, BI resistance x product bioburden ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 6
Sravan Manchikanti How to interpret '8.3 Control of nonconforming product' for SaMD device while implementing ISO 13485 & MDSAP ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
J Sister-company providing parts is only ISO 9001 registered IATF 16949 - Automotive Quality Systems Standard 7
M Getting started in ISO 13485 ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 21
G Copy of withdrawn ISO 9001:1994 Quality Management Standard ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 2
P ISO 80369 and endoscope port/lumen Other ISO and International Standards and European Regulations 4
C ISO 639-1 Languages Other Medical Device Related Standards 0
B ISO 11607-2 "Critical Parameter" vs. "Process Parameter" Other Medical Device Related Standards 3
S ECG Cable Banana to Snap or Tab electrode Adapters -- ISO 10993 Requirement Other Medical Device Related Standards 0
I ISO 2233:2000 Question - Medical Device Shipping/Transportation Validation Other ISO and International Standards and European Regulations 1
P ISO Class 8 particle count (annual certification vs monitoring) ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
T ISO/IEC 17065 certification scheme Help Other ISO and International Standards and European Regulations 7

Similar threads

Top Bottom