I Married a Monster from ISO 9000

Sidney Vianna

Post Responsibly
Staff member
Admin
#1
From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/05/24/verity_stob/

The solemnisation of the quality system


The service is traditionally held in the offices of a software house, as a St Audit's day substitute for matins.

The congregation are gathered in the programmers' kitchenette, sipping coffee.
Opening procession
The Quality Manager and Managing Director process through the office, regarding with dismay the documents strewn across desks, semi-dismantled PCs, disordered shelves, age-faded xkcd cartoons taped to monitors in a fire- and hap- hazard manner, overflowing paper-recycling facilities and so on. The service begins with the prayer for tidiness.
Prayer for tidiness
Managing Director: Oh God. Make speed to clean up!
The Congregation: Oh Christ! Is it the audit?
Quality Manager: Oh God, you had forgotten?
Managing Director: If any person here knows any just reason why the auditor should not recertify us today, let him hold his peace now or forever sod off.
The Congregation: Amen.
First hymn
Quality Manager: Let us rise, and sing the first hymn.
We hide the dross and scatter
The good stuff in full view.
But does it really matter
Our metrics are askew?
With nonconforming product,
What can we hope to gain?
The prize for our misconduct
Is soft, refreshing pain.
Of all the software standards
Nine kay's the one we hate.
But thank the Lord, yes thank the Lord,
S'not six-one-five-oh-eight.
 
Elsmar Forum Sponsor
J
#2
Wow - A lot more in that article than what you posted.

Really funny how true it is, or can be - -

Great stuff

James
 
S

sarah0305

#3
OH!!!!!!!! God i needed that to make my day worth being at work.
I took some time away from self educating myself here to come get some relief.:bonk:
I see its not all about standards, there is a sence of humour here.
:thanx:
Sarah
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
N Getting Married - How Will It Affect My Taxes? Coffee Break and Water Cooler Discussions 14
N Where is the romance? Help topic for the married Coffee Break and Water Cooler Discussions 122
A Married for a night Funny Stuff - Jokes and Humour 0
Manix Monster VW GOLF W12 - The Stuff Dreams are Made of! World News 2
ScottK I updated my information on Monster and got... Career and Occupation Discussions 31
Jen Kirley Taming the Training Expense Monster The Reading Room 16
chris1price MDSAP and ISO 13485 ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 5
D ISO 13485 Contained NC ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 3
K Compliance Obligations 6.1.3 of ISO 14001 ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 3
V EN ISO 10993-1, Category of surface device by nature of body contact Other Medical Device Related Standards 2
I Does BSI require suppliers to be ISO 9001 Certified? EU Medical Device Regulations 12
Ron Rompen ISO 9001 Sanctioned Interpretations and FAQs ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 8
Ashland78 Need IATF 16949 ISO Gap Analysis Excel File Internal Auditing 3
Brizilla ISO 13485 for a Distributor ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 7
E Organisational Chart-ISO 17025 Laboratory ISO 17025 related Discussions 3
S Do ISO certs require an Apostille? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 14
Q Harmonised Standards (EN ISO 13485 / EN ISO 14971) in MDR (2017/745/EU) ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 3
Sidney Vianna Informational ISO/CD 7101 Health Care Quality Management System Standard Hospitals, Clinics & other Health Care Providers 0
Fjalar ISO 20417:2021: Technical Data (6.6.4 c) Other Medical Device Related Standards 0
D Automotive Customer asking for ISO 14001 Certification from suppliers ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 3
K Need Help With Auditing Suppliers Against ISO 9001 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 50
L PFMEA for test procedures (ISO 14971) ISO 14971 - Medical Device Risk Management 5
J ISO 13485- 8.3.1 Non-conforming material high volume ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
Q ISO 20417:2021- Regulatory Identification Other ISO and International Standards and European Regulations 2
L ISO/IEC 20000-6 Technical Areas IT (Information Technology) Service Management 0
R What are the new changes in EN ISO 11137-1:2015+A2:2019? Other Medical Device Related Standards 2
Y ISO 10993-14:2001 - Gel implants stored in glass syringes Other Medical Device Related Standards 1
eldercare Multi-Site ISO/AS Certification Requirement for some sites ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 22
Sidney Vianna ISO 14001 News ISO 14001 Continual Improvement Survey ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 0
Casana ISO 17025 - Contractor certification? IATF 16949 - Automotive Quality Systems Standard 5
B Sanctioned interpretation #10 - ISO 17025 IATF 16949 - Automotive Quality Systems Standard 2
H Contract Manufacturer as Design Owner ISO 13485 ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 6
G Compliance with ISO 9001-2015 for ISO 17025 Accredited Labs? ISO 17025 related Discussions 5
blackholequasar ISO 13485 certification prior to Medical Device Manufacturing... worth it? ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 4
C ISO 14001 Internal Audit - Opportunity for Improvement ISO 14001:2015 Specific Discussions 2
P ISO 11607-2 Process Specification Other Medical Device Related Standards 1
S Which ISO Standards to Purchase - EN ISO and/or ISO Other Medical Device Related Standards 1
A ISO Clause 4.1/4.2 & 6.1 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 13
S Electronic Signatures - Non-Conformance - ISO 13485:2016 ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 30
E ISO 13485 software validation ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 7
B ISO 11197, Venting of Medical Supply Units - cl. 201.11.2.2.101 Other Medical Device Related Standards 2
D Management reviews ISO 17025 ISO 17025 related Discussions 3
L Change Log in (controlled) Forms? (ISO 9001:2015) Document Control Systems, Procedures, Forms and Templates 6
K ISO 9001 Clause 8.3 & 8.6 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 3
I ISO 17025:2017 / ANAB 3125 - Articulating / Communicating Risks vis-a-vis Audit Findings ISO 17025 related Discussions 2
A Management of change procedure for ISO 45001 Occupational Health & Safety Management Standards 5
S Transition training for Internal Auditor from ISO 9001: 2008 to the ISO 9001:2015 ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 2
D Notified Bodies - ISO 13485 & MDR Technical Files ISO 13485:2016 - Medical Device Quality Management Systems 3
E Comparison of Personal Protective Equipment Standards EN 14605 vs GB24539 and ISO 13982 vs GB 24539 Occupational Health & Safety Management Standards 0
H R&D Lab ISO 9001 certification ISO 9000, ISO 9001, and ISO 9004 Quality Management Systems Standards 11

Similar threads

Top Bottom