From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/05/24/verity_stob/
The solemnisation of the quality system
The service is traditionally held in the offices of a software house, as a St Audit's day substitute for matins.
The congregation are gathered in the programmers' kitchenette, sipping coffee.
Opening procession
The Quality Manager and Managing Director process through the office, regarding with dismay the documents strewn across desks, semi-dismantled PCs, disordered shelves, age-faded xkcd cartoons taped to monitors in a fire- and hap- hazard manner, overflowing paper-recycling facilities and so on. The service begins with the prayer for tidiness.
Prayer for tidiness
Managing Director: Oh God. Make speed to clean up!
The Congregation: Oh Christ! Is it the audit?
Quality Manager: Oh God, you had forgotten?
Managing Director: If any person here knows any just reason why the auditor should not recertify us today, let him hold his peace now or forever sod off.
The Congregation: Amen.
First hymn
Quality Manager: Let us rise, and sing the first hymn.
We hide the dross and scatter
The good stuff in full view.
But does it really matter
Our metrics are askew?
With nonconforming product,
What can we hope to gain?
The prize for our misconduct
Is soft, refreshing pain.
Of all the software standards
Nine kay's the one we hate.
But thank the Lord, yes thank the Lord,
S'not six-one-five-oh-eight.
The service is traditionally held in the offices of a software house, as a St Audit's day substitute for matins.
The congregation are gathered in the programmers' kitchenette, sipping coffee.
Opening procession
The Quality Manager and Managing Director process through the office, regarding with dismay the documents strewn across desks, semi-dismantled PCs, disordered shelves, age-faded xkcd cartoons taped to monitors in a fire- and hap- hazard manner, overflowing paper-recycling facilities and so on. The service begins with the prayer for tidiness.
Prayer for tidiness
Managing Director: Oh God. Make speed to clean up!
The Congregation: Oh Christ! Is it the audit?
Quality Manager: Oh God, you had forgotten?
Managing Director: If any person here knows any just reason why the auditor should not recertify us today, let him hold his peace now or forever sod off.
The Congregation: Amen.
First hymn
Quality Manager: Let us rise, and sing the first hymn.
We hide the dross and scatter
The good stuff in full view.
But does it really matter
Our metrics are askew?
With nonconforming product,
What can we hope to gain?
The prize for our misconduct
Is soft, refreshing pain.
Of all the software standards
Nine kay's the one we hate.
But thank the Lord, yes thank the Lord,
S'not six-one-five-oh-eight.
