Most of all, the internal audit schedule should be a living document ...
Hmm. You are reading things into the Standard that aren't there, I think. Where does it say that there must be an 'internal audit schedule' or 'calendar'? Where does it say this must be a document that is updated as required?
Yes the program must be planned. But as with other requirements, the Standard does not specify the how. I agree with you that a documented schedule/calendar is one way of doing that. I'll even agree that it's a common way of doing it. But it isn't the only single way to do it, let alone prescribed.
One example from a company I work with: the executive management team has audits at 4-monthly intervals, so about 3 times a year. The content and scope of these is determined and planned by the team (yes, they own their system and there's no separate 'quality department'), usually via their regular meetings and according to what they decided should be or needed to be audited.
If you can keep track of all that in your head, more power to you. Not everyone can keep up with the mental gymnastics ...
Ignoring the sarcasm, I didn't or don't see any claim by Andy that all was kept track of 'in his head'.
See the example above for just one example of how it can be done. That isn't 'mental gymnastics', it's management owning their system and driving it, to get what they want.
Surely you'd agree, Jim, that there's always -
always- more than one way to meet a requirement, no matter how suitable one thinks the most commonly used method is?
Isn't that our job here, to help provide additional tools?
Job? I don't think of what I do here as a job. Yes I contribute and provide help if and where it's asked for and when I have the time. But a critical point in any healthy online forum is also to discuss and debate with other professionals in the field. And to explore and challenge each other's thinking, assumptions and beliefs, as well as learn from each other. It is - or should be - possible to do that without resorting to digs at the other person.