B
Bjourne
One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says
STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.
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A very loyal maid answers phone. Man says, "Can I speak to my wife?" Maid says, "Sorry Sir you can't, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." Fuming mad he's says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." SHOTS FIRED!.. later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?" He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home." She says, "We don't have a pool." Short silence....He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
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A blind man with his dog was taking a stroll in the park. A bystander who knew the blind man called out to him then proceeded to walk towards them. Suddenly the dog cocked it's leg and urinated on the blind man trousers. Then he saw the blind man proceeding to pat the dog's head. The bystander stunned/irked said, "What the hell are you doing that for? The damn dog just pissed on you!" Blind man answers, "Not really, I'm just making sure where he is so I can kick his ass!"
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A woman is just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rings. Her husband, heading to the shower himself, asks her to see who's at the door, so she wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands her next-door neighbor, Rob. Before she can say a word, Rob says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel. He looks for a few seconds, hands her $500 and leaves with a big smile on his face.
Excited about her earnings, the woman puts the towel back on and runs upstairs. Her husband yells out from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Rob from next door," she replies. "Great," the husband says. "Did he bring over the $500 dollars he owes me?
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Two guys are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge gaping hole in the ground. They approached it and was amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says " There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they picked it up and carried it over, and counted to three and threw the old transmission in the hole.
As they stood there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.
Both were silenced. Looking at each other, looking in the hole. While trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this hole here!"
Old farmer replies, "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission! "
STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.
----
A very loyal maid answers phone. Man says, "Can I speak to my wife?" Maid says, "Sorry Sir you can't, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." Fuming mad he's says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." SHOTS FIRED!.. later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?" He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home." She says, "We don't have a pool." Short silence....He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
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A blind man with his dog was taking a stroll in the park. A bystander who knew the blind man called out to him then proceeded to walk towards them. Suddenly the dog cocked it's leg and urinated on the blind man trousers. Then he saw the blind man proceeding to pat the dog's head. The bystander stunned/irked said, "What the hell are you doing that for? The damn dog just pissed on you!" Blind man answers, "Not really, I'm just making sure where he is so I can kick his ass!"
-----
A woman is just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rings. Her husband, heading to the shower himself, asks her to see who's at the door, so she wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands her next-door neighbor, Rob. Before she can say a word, Rob says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel. He looks for a few seconds, hands her $500 and leaves with a big smile on his face.
Excited about her earnings, the woman puts the towel back on and runs upstairs. Her husband yells out from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Rob from next door," she replies. "Great," the husband says. "Did he bring over the $500 dollars he owes me?
-----
Two guys are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge gaping hole in the ground. They approached it and was amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says " There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they picked it up and carried it over, and counted to three and threw the old transmission in the hole.
As they stood there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.
Both were silenced. Looking at each other, looking in the hole. While trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this hole here!"
Old farmer replies, "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission! "
