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Interesting Topic My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus

Al Rosen

Staff member
Super Moderator
#2
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

hi,

I have just finished my assignment and got a D :(

Can you tell me whats wrong with it? I have a week to resubmit it.
Citing Wes Bucey would be cause for an F. Consider yourself lucky with a D.:lmao: Kidding aside, the content is not bad, but there are numerous typos and the grammar needs some work. You should read it over yourself.
 
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harry

Super Moderator
#3
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

Citing Wes Bucey would be cause for an F.
Agreed. I was looking for one of Wes's post where he gave advice on how to insert 'citations' - to show which particular book, page and author you quoted or are referring to. I notice there isn't any in your paper. Also the treatment of footnotes, references, etc. Different font for author, name of publication, etc.

Why do you need to use different fonts and different font size in the body? Bear in mind that these are important for a post graduate research paper.
 
#4
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

Flattered as I may be about being cited, the method of citation of ALL of your references probably does not meet the school Standard, which is likely cited somewhere in your course materials.

The grammar and style generally is "peculiar" in the odd juxtaposition of future, present, and past tenses.

Check back with us and tell us whether your school follows a specific style book. If not, Strunk's Elements of Style has held up well for nearly 90 years and is available for free online here (http://www.bartleby.com/141/)

In fairness, the grade you received might or might not be deserved, based on whether the grade was on a curve and on the quality of writing of your class peers.

The style shown generally reminds me of high school kids "padding" papers with unnecessary and redundant words simply because they wanted to reach a "magic number" of 500 or 1,000 words listed in the assignment. Many adults do the same thing, compounding the sin by sitting with a thesaurus and throwing in "big words" because they think it makes the paper more "elegant."

I don't have time to proofread and copyread the entire paper, but you may get a sense of my thinking by comparing one of your original paragraphs with my redacted one.
Anna:
The aim of this report was to present us with a broad perspective of quality management with respect to the view of some of the renowned quality gurus. In this report I will be examining the key ideas and perceptions of each of the quality gurus. I will be doing this in order to achieve the goal of finding out which of the quality gurus provides a complete model for quality management. I will be comparing and contrasting the different models that each of the gurus have created. I will also be discussing the extent to which each of the models fit with the general model of management that is presented in the course study guide.

Wes:
This report presents a broad overview of the views of leading Quality gurus about Quality Management. I highlight the key points of each guru and compare each against the others to determine if any one of them presents a complete model for quality management. In addition, I compare the points of those gurus with the general management model of our course study guide.
Note: Although I have followed Anna's general statement by writing
any one of them presents a complete model
I do not agree we should be looking to see if any ONE guru makes a complete case, but rather would have put them in chronological, geographic, and economic context to show how each builds a little on preceding gurus and how each subsequent one diverges from previously accepted thinking.

I probably would present the key points in a matrix table to make the similarities and differences easier to view and understand and for the reader to accept my conclusions as presented in the paper.
 

SteelMaiden

Super Moderator
Super Moderator
#5
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

I couldn't get past the odd time warp. Grammatically, you need to sit down with a trusted friend or mentor and fix the typos and the tenses. After that, you can fine tune the rest. Good luck to you.
 

Stijloor

Staff member
Super Moderator
#6
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

I couldn't get past the odd time warp. Grammatically, you need to sit down with a trusted friend or mentor and fix the typos and the tenses. After that, you can fine tune the rest. Good luck to you.
One of the indicators of sloppy work in "quality" papers and articles is the very frequent misspelling of "Baldrige Award." Note how many times it is spelled "Baldridge." When I see that, I quit reading....;)

Stijloor.
 
C

Craig H.

#7
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

Something that I have a problem with, personally, is the idea that the gurus are "mutually exclusive", for lack of a better term. Instead of aiming to choose just one, ALL of the people mentioned have something to offer, so why not take what fits a particular situation from each?

I agree that the grammar detracts from the paper, and it would benefit greatly from a serious editing session.

Hope this helps, and GOOD LUCK!
 

Jen Kirley

Quality and Auditing Expert
Staff member
Admin
#8
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

Something that I have a problem with, personally, is the idea that the gurus are "mutually exclusive", for lack of a better term. Instead of aiming to choose just one, ALL of the people mentioned have something to offer, so why not take what fits a particular situation from each?

I agree that the grammar detracts from the paper, and it would benefit greatly from a serious editing session.

Hope this helps, and GOOD LUCK!
Excellent point from Craig. :applause: It's worth noting the different gurus' particular contributions to today's quality assurance progress and theory. While doing so, you can remark on the geopolitical dynamics of quality assurance. For example, the biggest gurus from the 70's and 80's were Japanese, like Taguchi and Ishikawa. They contributed some of the most widely used quality management tools for decades. Be ready to comment on how their contributions happened and what led up to them.

Diana Hacker has published the best, most user-friendly writer's references I have seen. Here's a good example. Getting a used copy of a 5th edition can save you money if that is important to you.
 

Jim Wynne

Super Moderator
#9
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

hi,

I have just finished my assignment and got a D :(

Can you tell me whats wrong with it? I have a week to resubmit it.
There's been some good advice so far. The paper is rife with spelling and grammar errors. I've attached a copy of a short, marked-up section of your paper that will give you an indication as to the extent of the problems. The first thing you might want to do is just run the Word spelling and grammar tools, although there are cases where the Word's grammar checker will lead you astray. It might also be a good idea to find someone--a tutor perhaps--to help you. We can give you some insight into what went wrong, but correcting it will require some personal attention.

As for the general style, your school probably has guidelines for research papers, and the following resources might be helpful.

This website has some good information. I highly recommend The Chicago Manual of Style, a reference guide used by many schools and newspapers. Wes already recommended Strunk's Elements of Style and a free source for it, but I'd go a step further and recommend the purchase of a later edition. The great writer E. B. White updated Strunk, and later editions honor the fact that language and style evolve over time.

Note also that academic style often differs considerably from what you might see in other printed media such as newspapers and magazines. For one thing, it's generally expected that the author will not refer to herself in the first person, and there is extensive (and cumbersome, imo) use of the passive voice. Instead of saying "Here's what I think about...", it's normally expected that you will write something ugly such as "The author thinks that..."

I'm assuming that the person who gave you the "D" also gave some indication as to what the problems were. If your instructor's observations aren't clear, schedule some office time with him to discuss improvements.

And one more thing, in passing--you've committed the egregious literary offense of Apostrophe Abuse in such forms as "guru's." This is a hanging offense in some states, so you might want to pay a visit to the Apostrophe Protection Society for some guidance.:D
 

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BradM

Staff member
Admin
#10
Re: My Class Assignment on Quality Assurance Gurus for Your Review - Help needed

Since you asked for feedback:), here you go.....

I want to greatly encourage you to continue to seek writing and studying in the quality field.:yes: Having first generation quality students is not good enough. We must continue the principles and philosophies of the gurus.

Too, please remember these criticisms are directed towards your document; not you. IMHO, it's important to remember that.

Now, I read the paper twice and I am at a loss of your thesis. You purpose for this quality paper is unclear to me. What are you trying to say?

As for finding fault with the individuals... it's OK to do that, as long as it's done correctly. Each is not without it's strengths and weaknesses. However, your criticism of them seems odd. Are the weaknesses something you perceive on the surface? Did you read about them? Where are they coming from? If you read academic articles where one is refuting previous research, in general they approach with respect and caution. Meaning, they might find other results, but still show respect to the author for their original ideas.

Maybe you should consider bullet points under each. Give a couple of paragraphs of background/ general ideas, then bullet the strengths/ weaknesses of each.

Also, while it's recognized that the Web is more accepted in Academia as an acceptable cite, I would think you should find some textbooks, handbooks to quote these individuals.
 

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