Newest element discovered: "Governmentium"

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Subject: Newest element discovered: "Governmentium"

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science - "governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it takes days, or weeks.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re-organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration
forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re-organize, the morass you cover.

 

[Wes Bucey]

Well! Apparently, this element is extremely common. Large deposits have been identified in Washington, D.C. Smaller amounts have been found in every state capital. Isolated veins crop up in most major cities.

I never realized it before now, but I've been dealing with this element for most of my life. I just never knew the scientific name for this element. I've noticed some folks are particularly prone to severe physical reactions as a result of their encounters with this element. The symptoms are very similar to those of Tourette's Syndrome, characterized by outbursts of shouting and cursing after any contact with this element.

There have been some cases reported of mass outbreaks of cursing and shouting by hundreds of people leading to police action to quarantine these people in the event there is some other method of transmission other than by direct contact with the element. Several noted clinicians tried to obtain research grants to study this phenomenon, but were themselves infected during the grant-seeking process and were forced to withdraw amid cries of "Conflict of Interest!"

There has been some speculation that some isodopes (commonly called "dopes" by those who spend any time observing them) of the element have greater effect and at greater range than previously thought. There are multiple reports of the effects from a small nodule of a dope in Washington, D.C. being felt halfway around the world near the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. This same dope adversely affected a woman who was driven to leave her home and camp by the side of the road down in Texas.

It is only recently that some root cause studies have pointed to this element as a causative factor in the breakdown of several industries. Most of the data so far is anecdotal, but organizations throughout the world are setting up Designs of Experiments to quantify the effects and devise Corrective or preventive actions to ameliorate the effects on remaining industries.

 

[Sidney Vianna]

brilliant

Under the auspices of the anti-matter theory, it should only be a matter (pun intended) of time until we discover the "anti-governmentium" which also has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons. They are only oppositely charged. Still according to the relativity theory, when governmentium and anti-governmentium collide, nothing significant happens. Just hot air....

 

[Marc]

Related to 'Bigbusinessentium'. See Enron, GM, Ford, Donald Trump and many, many other related big business failures for more details. The similarities were often over looked in the past, but are now being quantified.

 

[QualityJedi]

When politicium combine, Governmentium is able to react and decay at without detection due to the enormous entropy introduced by the mediatrons. Mediatrons again prove Rutherfords gold foil experiment true by demonstrating that there really is a lot of empty space (usually between the ears). However, mediatrons produce a large amount of false positives during testing and should not be trusted.


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