Southern Coloquialisms
I got this last night and couldn't stop laughing... it's soooo true. There are one or two southern-isms that I can't find a northern counter-part... for example, a Moonpie & RC Cola, or potted meat on saltine crackers... wait - - better yet.... Boiled Peanuts!!
Anyway - this goes out to SteelMaiden...
Southern Advice (differences between the North and South):
If you are from the Northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy,
The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance.
The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races (a sacred event - btw).
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" can be singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!" Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation and grammar you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense down here.
"It don't make me no nevermind," is just another way of saying, "don't care." "She's hard-favored," means that girl is unattractive." "She's all ate up with the uglies," needs no further explanation. Same for, "He's all ate up with the stupids."
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: A yankee comes to the South, spends his money, and then goes back up North. A ****yankee comes to the South... and just stays. If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will automatically accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
