Peoples Attitudes, Depression, Roadkill Recipes and Other Thoughts

[Jim Webb]

Originally posted by Al Dyer
Cmon people, we only eat possum, squirrel, deer, and bunnies!!! Nobody eats racoons! They are too smart and sometimes pass as ISO auditors. Let's stay with the program people!!!!!

Oh my God! Oh my God! Where is Al? Al, I need your help! Last night on my way home through fifty miles of Iowa countryside, near the tri-county garbage dump I hit something. I heard the terrible thump, thump and then saw something rolling behind my van. Could it have been an ISO auditor? I thought it was a raccoon. Its height was between 12 and 72 inches, weight between 25 and 170 pounds. Could you shed a little light on how one tells a ISO auditor from a raccoon?

 

[energy]

Let me try!

Originally posted by Jim Webb

Oh my God! Oh my God! Where is Al? Al, I need your help! Last Could you shed a little light on how one tells a ISO auditor from a raccoon?

1. If you offer it a marshmellow and it takes it gently from your fingers, it's a Raccoon.

2. If it jumps up onto your face and attempts to decapitate you, it's a Raccoon with rabies. We have a lot of those in Connecticut.

3. If it bites the hand that feeds it, it's an ISO Auditor

 

[Randy Stewart]

ISO Auditor from a Raccoon

That can be a tough question. Lets compare them for a moment:
1) They both will make a big mess while you're not looking,
2) Neither one of them is really welcome inside,
3) They'll throw garbage all over and leave it for you to clean up,
Well as far as I can see, the only way to tell them apart is if you have to by it lunch it's an auditor. If it eats most of the garbage it throws around then it's a raccoon!

 

[Al Dyer]

Racoons sneak in through the chimney, ransack your house and leave, hopefully never to be seen again.

Auditors walk in through the front door, demand donuts and coffee, ransack your office, charge you, and tell you they will be back in 6 months to do the same.

 

[Randy]

A 'coon will wash itself before and after eating,
only try and mate with its own kind,
& will not crap in its home.

 

[JRKH]

Originally posted by Ken K


Man, no self respecting roadkill connoisseur would ever pass up a roadkill, much less paint a orange circle around it! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!!!!

You would first pick up every roadkill you pass and place it into your trunk on your way to your destination. Then, on the return trip, you would place the "fresh" kill in a sack (you did remember the sack?) and tie this to your rear bumper with a 25 foot rope (you did remember the rope?). That way your "fresh" kill would be further aged and tenderized when you get home.

Darn rookies! :thedeal:

Ken,
Ma post related ta Jim Webb's trouble. Here we got us a veggie freak trying ta improve hisself.

Ya jus caint jump right inta these thangs. Ya gotta eeeeaasse inta it. Basides, ya don wanna give away all your cookin secrets. thatta be like tellin somun whats in your ber-b-que sause.

James

 

[Ken K]

Ma post related ta Jim Webb's trouble. Here we got us a veggie freak trying ta improve hisself.

Have you ever seen a vegatarian after they have eaten something that walks? Not a real pretty sight to those not in the know but pretty darn funny to the rest of us.

Ya never know which side is gonna explode if you know what I mean! Hate to see that happen to Jim, but I hope someone takes pictures and monitors the water supply...

He'll have a really cool avatar after that!!!!!!

 

[Jim Webb]

Ken,
Its apparent that you know vegatarians. Is it that you are one or were one? Meat products do strange things to the old digestive tract. Blow it out your ___ takes on new meanings. Pictures will be available in the next AMA Journal.
My picture may also be on the post office wall if that wasn't a raccoon. How many years do you get for doing in an Auditor? More if it was a Lead Auditor?

 

[Michael T]

Originally posted by Jim Webb
Could you shed a little light on how one tells a ISO auditor from a raccoon?

If it has skid marks in front of it, it's a racoon...

If it has skid marks behind it, it's an auditor...



Sorry, just couldn't pass that up!!!

Cheers!!!

 

[Ken K]

Yea, my daughter is a veggie. She has a green glow about her. Still eats fish though.


Now:

If it has skid marks in front of it, it's a racoon...

If it has skid marks behind it, it's an auditor...

I wasn't driving that car because there would be no skid marks around either one.