I proposed the following:
"Complete customer satisfaction through continuous improvement"
You'll find (probably have already!) that there's as many opinions on what the policy might say as there are opinions on how to say it.
I liked what you already had. Why? Because it was short, it was clear and it had a voice. It didn't sound like a jumble of 'all the right buzz words' in the most awkward grammatical-but-unreadable-sentence around. Those kinds of policies, IMO and experience, don't actually mean anything to anyone.
Please don't write a policy that's just the words of 5.3 regurgitated. Why bother? That's one reason why people get bored/turned off 'quality' - if their experience is a bunch of meaningless ho hum phrases and words that no one understands, let alone buys into. Policy should be short, clear and pithy - if it isn't, no one will remember it, let alone use it to guide their thoughts & actions. And that's one of the reasons for its existence! It can do that, but only if it's embraced in the right spirit. Garbage in? Don't be surprised about garbage coming out.
The rest is up to management to see if it fits the purpose of the organization. I believe it does...but hey...that's just me
What upsets me is that top management asks me to propose a new QP when this should be their vision and belief...not "only" mine."
Yes, this used to bother me, but I think they find it easier when someone gives 'em a draft/few suggestions to work with. In the process of reviewing those, they get much clearer about what they really want to say (rather like discussing an issue with a good friend can often help you sort out your own thoughts & achieve clarity).
As for how: purely as an illustration, you could go for the 2-tier approach: eg,:
"XYZ is a progressive company of .... (optional)
We build it right first time, every time. (I disagree with Jim that this is a nonsense - it can still be your policy. You may not get there every single time, but it can still be your aim/policy!)
We are committed to achieving company goals & commitments, and to continuous improvement."
And then you can specify both the goals/objectives and the commitments separately, either right after this policy, or in the same document if it's a stand-alone, but you have the link to them from here.
I wouldn't attempt to put 'everything including the kitchen sink' into the policy itself. Remember,it's your system. For example, you could define 'building it right' to
include complying with all reg/stat requirements, legislation, etc.