I, as much as anyone, appreciate the opportunities for humor here.
Let's return to the original post and give Old Quality Gal a response she can take back to her "client."
First, the straight answer.
There is no Standard which calls for third party ACCREDITED CERTIFYING BODY to attest to an organization's conformance and compliance to the Standard.
That said, the real world answer is that the primary requirement of the modern Quality Management System Standards (ISO901:2000; ISO 13485; TS 16949; etc.) is to "meet customer requirements." Customers (and in the case of ISO 13485, some regulatory bodies) dictate whether they will accept anything other than a certificate of registration from a third party ACCREDITED CERTIFYING BODY to attest to an organization's conformance and compliance to the Standard.
As suggested by Coury, the consequences of being "caught" in the deception could be a larger financial penalty (loss of a customer) than the cost of the third party registration.
Ultimately, the organization and its top management make an economic decision whether they "need" registration or can function well and profitably by mere self-proclamation (adequately backed up by proof if anyone wants to come and audit before giving business) or whether they need to pay the money and join the mainstream of registered organizations.
Disclaimer: I ran a high tech contract manufacturer for ten years, self-declaring compliance to ISO 9002:1994 and QS-9000, but we DID have an FDA certification. As I have written in dozens of threads both here in the Cove and in the ASQ Forums, we "walked the walk" and invited ANY customer or prospect to come in and compare our operation to the Standards. Our customers invited us to show them things about managing a QMS.
The bottom line is self-declaration is possible, but circumstances are making self-declaration less and less fiscally feasible in terms of attracting and keeping customers who are too lazy or unwilling to accept non-registered suppliers into their supply chains.