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The Elsmar Cove "Humour Thread" - CAUTION - 'Big Kid' Content



RCBeyette said:
(Personal Note - Unsure of the source for this and unsure if the Quantas fact is true)

I've seen this in the past, but it was referenced as military. A couple entries point to that - IFF (Identify Freind or Foe) and Target Radar - probably not something Quantas has on passenger jets.
I imagine most of them WERE at least considered as comments by mechanics, regardless if any check sheet ever got completed with one. My dad had comments like that from WWII, before the Air Force was a separate branch of the military (USAF created in 1947.)


It doesn't matter where it's from Roxane, I am still laughing so hard I will have to go get a cup of coffee before I can continue working. Thanks a million.


Al Rosen

Staff member
Super Moderator
The Donation....

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" asks the caller.

"It is"

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can"

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will."


Captain Nice
Staff member
D.Scott said:
It doesn't matter where it's from Roxane, I am still laughing so hard I will have to go get a cup of coffee before I can continue working. Thanks a million.
I liked the ones at snopes, too, a couple of which I had never seen before - So... I thank Al as well for his link to snopes. I agree - True or not, they're funny!

Unfortunately, I didn't get as many laughs when I posted it here in 1998...: Take Corrective Action. Please. AFTO Form 781 maintenance entries

Jen Kirley

Quality and Auditing Expert
Staff member
Al Rosen said:
Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work, since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed 3 large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed elightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold,and she was surprised! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"
This reminds me of what my father, whose spirit I revere, long ago told me:

'Tis better to belch the belch and bear the shame,
than to squelch the belch and bear the pain.

Greg B


QANTAS is an acronym so there is no need for the 'u'. It stands for the Queensland and Northern Territory Air Service.

You are correct QANTAS has NEVER had an Aircraft Crash.

I remember writing similar things when pilots would give scant information about problems, on the Post flight sheets.

Al Rosen

Staff member
Super Moderator
The Beaver

The 90-yr old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-yr old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. When he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang" and the beaver dropped dead. What do you think about that?

The elderly man answered, "I'd say someone else shot the beaver."

The doctor said. "My point exactly."


Men vs non-men


1. NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same things.
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