The Elsmar Cove "Humour Thread" - CAUTION - 'Big Kid' Content

[Jim Biz]

Middle Life Physics

a) The shortest distance between two points is the one where you don't hafta bend over

b) Human bodies in motion tend to fall in the exact ceter of the couch

c) Energy can nither be created nor destroyed. It CAN however be wasted.

d) Infinite mass is achieved at the speed of light - (and also during Thanksgiving dinner)

 

[Ken K]

Jim, I really don't think you want to know what we do with peaches and apples!

Let's not go there.

 

[Jim Biz]

Ok I won't pursue the issue: sounds like it could get reall scarry..


I'm beginning to understand why you selected the cartoon pic with the bag over your head

 

[energy]

Re: Middle Life Physics

Originally posted by Jim Biz
c) Energy can nither be created nor destroyed. It CAN however be wasted.

Oh Yes, he really can!

 

[Randy]

Randy's been known to be wasted ( ) too, but he gave that up when he married Judi D ) and started attending church regular.

Speaking of regular...good olive oil, Bing Cherries, or green apples are good for that.

Toodles

 

[energy]

What?

Randy,

Whatever do you mean? Wasted?.....I was talking about my efforts on the job front and how unappreciated they are. Are you confessing to some sin, brought upon by those regular church visits? Not necessary. The ten commandments missed that type of sin. Unless "thou shall not have false gods before me (Idology?)" or, something like that. As someone who visits the lake for my spiritual satisfaction, I haven't a clue.

 

[Jim Biz]

Green apples??

Randy (as I pause & hesitate to ask)
Do you de-corum the green apples - or are the seeds left in the mix ?? -

Energy - thought you would "get a kick" out of what can be done to ya

Can't say I should take credit for "origional thought" tho - found those in the local newspaper...

Have a great weekend everyone - Mrs Biz & I are off to do the Horseback - camp & trail thing - (in November in the Mid-west yet) with any luck at all - I won't get a chance to "browse around here till sometime Sunday afternoon..

 

[Marc]

Evolution

If you haven't been here, you may find it interesting...

https://DarwinAwards.com/

 

[Al Dyer]

I will never condom any type of humor on this bored!!!

 

[Marc]

Missile Defense Test

Air Force Hits Broad Side Of Barn
With Missile Defense Test

The Air Force conducted a successful test of its planned missile defense system by accurately intercepting the broad side of a barn with a warhead from a distance of 50 feet. “This should put to rest any of the doubts regarding our technological capability of destroying nuclear missiles that may be fired at us from rogue nations such as Lichtenstein,” said Air Force General Buck Smithers. This was the third attempt to hit the elusive target in a series of tests carried out on a farm in southern California. Witnesses to the event seemed impressed. “That giant missile lifted off and soared what must have been several hundred feet before it made a sharp U-turn and hit that barn smack on the side. I ain’t never seen anything like it,” said beet farmer Zeke Pariah as he scratched his head in evident amazement. The White House hailed the success as an impetus to begin full scale construction of the missile defense system that as yet lacks a projected cost because it exceeds the tabulation capacity of the Pentagon’s computer system.

Secretary of Defense of Donald Rumsfeld proposed a revised missile defense system that he claims can be implemented quickly and inexpensively utilizing space tourists armed with laser rifles. The Strategic Astro Program or SAP will offer millionaires the opportunity to serve as trained space sentries for a fee of $30 million. “Who wouldn’t want to see the world and serve their country in the grandeur of space? It will be like laser tag with higher stakes. Plus the user fees will fully fund their training,” Rumsfeld said at a Pentagon briefing.

The project originally called for the use of Air Force officers to assure proper training and strict security. After the Russians pocketed $20 million from American civilian Dennis Tito to orbit in space, Rumsfeld was convinced to use a similar revenue source for his program. “NASA might not want them, but we’re happy to let American civilians pay to serve our country in space. We already let large donors pilot our submarines as guests,” said a Pentagon source.