Below are some warped definitions of quality terms - most (but not all) of which I posted earlier in the humor thread. They differ from the correct spelling by just one letter.
Well, I kind of volunteered to give a talk at the local ASQ section and was planning to base it on these definitions. I was thinking that by mixing in some humor, I could also address some serious issues that cause poor quality and difficulty in the work-place.
I was hoping that some of you might have anecdotes that address some of the ideas below. If I just delivered them as one-liners, it would make for a short talk, so I need some more "filler". Perhaps you know someone that fits one of the defintions. Perhaps your company tried an approach that didn't work. Perhaps you avoided a problem by recognizing a potential pitfall. If you have something to share, it might be informative to others and give me some stories to work into the talk. I am starting to watch threads here for inspiration, too, but your contributions would be appreciated.
And feel free to add any other definitions you might think of! Oh, and if there are some that you think are especially funny or approriate (or unfunny or inappropriate), you are welcome to add those comments, too.
Tim F
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Quality Improvemint – unrealistically expecting that superficial changes will fix a product that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Manufracturing - producing parts with unsightly cracks
Attributte - a characteristic that has plateaued at a new, higher level
Benchmurking - comparisons that only cloud the issues
Anulysis - studying a problems, but finding no answer
Balanced Scarecard - your company is only weeks away from bankruptcy
Gape Analysis - studying your coworker's reaction to a Balanced Scarecard
Quality Controll - using brute force to make improvements
Deflects per Millions Opportunities - how well you hide problems
Hisstogram - a bar chart where each item is represented by a snake
Poison Distribution - the shape usually seen on a Hisstogram
Interquartile rage - anger felt by students taking statistics
Linear Relationslip - when all but one points fall on a perfectly straight line
Multiple Reguession - trying many random approaches for solving a problem
Rot Cause Analysis - don't keep food in the back of the refrigerator for a month
eX-Bar - where average divorced people go for a drink.
2 Simple T-Test - when you should have done a more sophisticated statistical test instead.
Wishbone Diagram - a method for reaching the conclusion you had hoped for.
Coast-Benefit Analysis - should I call in sick today and to go to the beach?
Greed Belt - a person who gets certified just to get a promotion
Blank Belt – a person who gives the impression of knowledge, but really doesn’t have a clue.
Slack Belt – a person who is an expert at goofing off.
Flack Belt – a person who is always getting blamed for everything.
Masher Black Belt - a person who is an expert at making things worse
Masker Black Belt - a person who is an expert at hiding problems
Special Clause Variation - defects induced by lawyers
Mathemagician – a person with a mystical ability to analyze data.
Cusstomers - people who keep adding new requirements while expecting lower prices.
Tact Time – how much time you have to spend talking nicely to the people around you to keep things running smoothly.
Basteline - the outer limits of normal operations. If you cross over this line, your goose is cooked.
Well, I kind of volunteered to give a talk at the local ASQ section and was planning to base it on these definitions. I was thinking that by mixing in some humor, I could also address some serious issues that cause poor quality and difficulty in the work-place.
I was hoping that some of you might have anecdotes that address some of the ideas below. If I just delivered them as one-liners, it would make for a short talk, so I need some more "filler". Perhaps you know someone that fits one of the defintions. Perhaps your company tried an approach that didn't work. Perhaps you avoided a problem by recognizing a potential pitfall. If you have something to share, it might be informative to others and give me some stories to work into the talk. I am starting to watch threads here for inspiration, too, but your contributions would be appreciated.
And feel free to add any other definitions you might think of! Oh, and if there are some that you think are especially funny or approriate (or unfunny or inappropriate), you are welcome to add those comments, too.
Tim F
---------------------------------------------------------
Quality Improvemint – unrealistically expecting that superficial changes will fix a product that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Manufracturing - producing parts with unsightly cracks
Attributte - a characteristic that has plateaued at a new, higher level
Benchmurking - comparisons that only cloud the issues
Anulysis - studying a problems, but finding no answer
Balanced Scarecard - your company is only weeks away from bankruptcy
Gape Analysis - studying your coworker's reaction to a Balanced Scarecard
Quality Controll - using brute force to make improvements
Deflects per Millions Opportunities - how well you hide problems
Hisstogram - a bar chart where each item is represented by a snake
Poison Distribution - the shape usually seen on a Hisstogram
Interquartile rage - anger felt by students taking statistics
Linear Relationslip - when all but one points fall on a perfectly straight line
Multiple Reguession - trying many random approaches for solving a problem
Rot Cause Analysis - don't keep food in the back of the refrigerator for a month
eX-Bar - where average divorced people go for a drink.
2 Simple T-Test - when you should have done a more sophisticated statistical test instead.
Wishbone Diagram - a method for reaching the conclusion you had hoped for.
Coast-Benefit Analysis - should I call in sick today and to go to the beach?
Greed Belt - a person who gets certified just to get a promotion
Blank Belt – a person who gives the impression of knowledge, but really doesn’t have a clue.
Slack Belt – a person who is an expert at goofing off.
Flack Belt – a person who is always getting blamed for everything.
Masher Black Belt - a person who is an expert at making things worse
Masker Black Belt - a person who is an expert at hiding problems
Special Clause Variation - defects induced by lawyers
Mathemagician – a person with a mystical ability to analyze data.
Cusstomers - people who keep adding new requirements while expecting lower prices.
Tact Time – how much time you have to spend talking nicely to the people around you to keep things running smoothly.
Basteline - the outer limits of normal operations. If you cross over this line, your goose is cooked.