What Are The Chauvinistic NO NOs?

[Cari Spears]

But you know, if something I say bothers you, I want to know. If my intent is truly not to offend, then I need to know so that I can avoid offense in the future.

I do see your point db - but from my perspective, if you called me "girl" or lumped me into a group by saying "You guys" , I'm not going to take offense. My point is ... we women, as a group, have so many more important issues to worry about in the workplace. If some guy I work with calls me "honey" in a condescending manner in order to try to undermine me, I can tell. I'm not even going to dignify it by going off on him.

Many feminists feel they need to say things like "and ladies" when someone yells "Hey you guys". In the beginning of feminist movements this was an important point - the mindset of the male workplace needed to change from the boy's club mentality. They used words like "girls" or "honey" in order to blatantly challenge the female presence in the work place and try to intimidate. Nowadays - not so much. Affirmative action caused us to change from "Mailman" to "Mail Carrier" for example.

When a man says to me "You're one of the guys" I cringe because he obviously equates certain qualities with "Maleness". Even though he meant it as a compliment - it is not really. Why can't I be self assured and competent without giving up my femininity?

 

[db]

One of the things that gets me now is getting put down for opening a door.

Let me tell you a story.

I was conducting some training in Cincinnati. I had to go to a Radio Shack to replace a cable that had broke for my VCR. So, I’m entering a store and about 10 feet behind me was a female. I held the door open (as I would have for a male), and she responded with a: “I don’t need a man to open a door for me.” Well, in my sarcastic wit manner, I retorted that my mother had raised me to hold the door open if there were any humans near the door. To which I added: “I must have been mistaken.” She became livid! I was wearing a shirt with the company logo on it. She looked at my shirt and snapped: “Do you work for xxx?”. Just then, a young couple walked by. He was wearing a Winston Cup cap, and she had a shirt that said “Bitch Bitch Bitch” on it. I responded to the woman: Yes, I do, and he works for Winston Cup, and she works for you.” The woman got beet red, turned and left the building. The young couple had no idea what was going on, and quickly walked away. I finished my shopping and went back to the hotel.

Was I wrong? You bet. Did it feel good? You bet.

 

[RosieA]

I've also been caught using the word "guys".

But I've still got a long way to go, perhaps I'll get there someday.

I use the generic "guys" a lot too!

And I think y'all are there already db!

 

[energy]

In the old days.......

Why can't I be self assured and competent without giving up my femininity?

I recall an unlikable Manager saying "Listen Sweetheart, we're not talking about that". Or "Easy Dear, that's not what we meant". For what it's worth, these types of people were not liked by anybody, let alone females. Even in those days it made me feel uncomfortable to see anybody talked to like that. My working wife has told me of incidents of where she lost it and told the boss (owner) that the only reason he doesn't listen to her is because she doesn't have B****. Time after time she was proved correct in her advice because, today, most of those other who had B**** are no longer there. You just have to stick to your guns. Sometimes, those in power talk to everybody that way, regardless of gender.

 

[Cari Spears]

Certain things you know not to do, but on the slip ups and boarderline issues I need to be told. Then it's up to me to abide by the rules.

One of the things that gets me now is getting put down for opening a door.

I hear ya - but isn't it the same with anyone, men or women? I worked for a man who just couldn't stand cussin' - everyone knew and watched their mouth around him out of respect because he was a truly nice man. I've also worked with men with the dirtiest mouths that would turn to me and suggest that my language is innappropriate for a lady. They can take a flying leap!

As far as the door thing - again, it's an antiquated courtesy, born of the outrageous clothes "ladies" used to wear. They needed assistance getting in and out of doors, coaches, anywhere!! Sure, some fanatic feminist is going to inform you she's capable of opening a door. Frankly - whoever gets to the door first should open and hold it for someone behind them. But, the bottom line is you were raised to open a door for a lady, even though I am quite capable of opening a door for myself, I appreciate the gesture for what it was intended.

 

[RosieA]

Was I wrong? You bet. Did it feel good? You bet.

Wow, that was fast thinking!

There's no excuse for rudeness. I'm delighted when someone is polite enough to hold a door for me. And I greatly enjoy a little ribald banter and the occasional cigar.

Maybe Cari is right about the "girls" thing being part of the early feminist movement. When I first began my career, the "g" word was used everyday in a condescending fashion. Hence it is #1 on my list. It might not be the same trigger today that it was in the 70s. (unless you're a woman of a certain age )

 

[CarolX]

I have the perfect job as Quality Manager...

I get paid to be a B*tch!!!



CX

 

[David Hartman]

I recall an unlikable Manager saying "Listen Sweetheart, we're not talking about that". Or "Easy Dear, that's not what we meant". For what it's worth, these types of people were not liked by anybody, let alone females.

The one that makes me feel "uneasy" is when the lady at behind the counter at the local convenience store, gas station, grocery, etc. says something like: "Thanks Hun." or "Here ya go Sweety."

This kinda bothers me on two levels: 1. They don't know me well enough to speak that intimately to me. 2. These are women that would probably go ballistic if I returned the comments in like fashion.

 

[Cari Spears]

I have the perfect job as Quality Manager...

I get paid to be a B*tch!!!



CX

LOL

Girlfriend, I shop for a living!

 

[energy]

You're a lucky guy

The one that makes me feel "uneasy" is when the lady at behind the counter at the local convenience store, gas station, grocery, etc. says something like: "Thanks Hun." or "Here ya go Sweety."

I only get Hon'd when they are manuevering for the tip. And that's rare because the wife has the money for dinner in her possession. You know there be no "hon-ing" in front of Mama.