Good Morning Arise,
I think you're oversimplifying and exaggerating the realistic scenario of ISO certification.
1) Yes you need to document your system...other than the compulsory processes, you decide from what additional documented processes your company would benefit....and map out those processes, to ensure consistency in training and understanding, as well as compliance to ISO and customer-specific requirements.
2) This isn't a "Pretend" game...you have to do what your documents state, as well as monitor and measure the effectiveness and efficiency of the processes, analyze the data, perform Management Review, and identify corrective and preventive action/continual improvement, as well as communication of performance back to interested/involved parties.
You're not doing it for the auditor, you're doing it because it makes sense.
As
Big Jim said earlier...it's like the rules of a game. ISO is intended to create a common methodology for System Management. It helps ensure that all businesses are operating from a common base of reference.
3) In post No. 14 above, I wrote...
The auditor is auditing that your SYSTEM complies with:
a) respective Standards (as applicable...ISO 9000, ISO 14000, etc. )
b) Customer-specific requirements
Customer requirements are definitely a measure of performance, and many customers set defined objectives for quality, timing, delivery, and service performance, just to name a few, but those aren't the only measure of a company's compliance. Their entire system is expected to run effectively and efficiently. There will be many yardsticks by which to measure their success, and it is up to Senior Management to define those requirements throught the Business Plan. There is no pretending.
Having said all that, I understand your frustration with the auditor and the "documented system". Not all auditors are created equal, and neither are the systems.
You're observation and comments are telling
..."ISO certification doesn't mean much"...and in some instances, may even be accurate. I'm sure many contributors here have their own ideas of how this "perception" of ISO has evolved. Much of it relates back, as you've stated to the whims of the auditor performing the audit...and yes there can be a vast difference between two documented systems, both of which have been "certified". These inconsistencies and broad variations contribute to the perception that the documentation doesn't matter...depending on your auditor.
ISO is not just a banner to wave...it's a business methodology. It's effectiveness is definitely dependent on it's individual "parts", and not just the end product...otherwise, I would have to think that product quality is really more a serendipitous event than a planned and controlled process.
I understand your frustration and disposition on this sensitive subject...I'm sure you'll get more feedback on this from other contributors.
It's good that you keep challenging the concept...understanding and accepting it is the first step to successful implementation.
Patricia