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Why women shouldn't take men shopping...



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tom ato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.' This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money..

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Elsmar Forum Sponsor


I sent my wife an e-mail saying:
"In order to prevent the following:
(your message inserted here)
It would be better if I will not come shopping with you anymore."
We both got a good laugh in this. Who says that quality forums are boring?!?:lmao:


Trusted Information Resource
I think it would be fair enough for Women to avoid for shopping not only Men, but also Kids, Infants, Pets...There is a solution for Women also, they can take like-minded Women.


Quite Involved in Discussions
Sometimes men have different interest in shopping but if they share a common interest then there will be no problem... and sometimes its really boring when it took so long (about 1 hour or more) to figure out whether to buy a goods i.e. can of milk in the shopfloor probably the solution is to have a list of things that must be buy.... :) :) :)



When I looked at the list of things you did in that store I felt only like an apprentice. You have surpassed for long what I felt was a crazy behavior in a store.

I am not sure if you deserve admiration or rebuke. :confused:

What I am sure is that you made me have some good fun. :lol:

Wes Bucey

Prophet of Profit
When my two daughters were still living at home and wanted "Dad" to take them shopping, they had the ideal plan for the expedition.
The equipment:

  1. a small camp stool
  2. a thermos of coffee
  3. a bag lunch (with Hostess Ho Ho cakes for dessert)
  4. Dad

The plan:

  1. deposit all equipment, including Dad, in the TV sales department of the biggest electronics store in the mall
  2. tune in some sports contest on the biggest TV available
  3. take Dad's credit card
  4. shop
  5. return to electronics store
  6. gather up equipment
  7. return to car in the parking lot


I am probably unfair with my wife and that is why she is not so happy when I am on her side when she is shopping (unless I hold the credit card of course).

For example we don't speak the same language for certain aspects of life.

1. For me having no shoes means to be on bare feet. For her not having shoes means that the 20 pairs on the closet are not enough. :frust:
2. For me the cost is not important provided I find what I need right away. For her a 50% discount on a blouse is a very exiting thing even if she has many already.
3. For me shopping should take few minutes. Buying what is needed and moving on to the next store. She seems to be so passionate about looking at styles, colors, specials, etc. and that may take long time

I love her :yes: and that is why I need to understand we are different and respect her shopping style. Meanwhile, she would rather go alone to the mall because I make her feel stressed. I deserve a non-conformity :rolleyes:
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Trusted Information Resource
I love her :yes: and that is why I need to understand we are different and respect her shopping style. Meanwhile, she would rather go alone to the mall because I make her feel stressed. I deserve a non-conformity :rolleyes:
You may be right dude. But dont worry, you are not alone.
This is one non conformity that cannot be resolved even with the best of the brains. :tg:
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