World's Funniest Audit Experiences

R

Roland Cooke

#61
I'm conducting a medical devices audit at a reputable company. Relations between us and the management are excellent, they encourage us to dig deep, however the place is extremely well-managed and we never have had cause to raise many NCs.

We get to the closing meeting. I take them through the Observations, and minor NCs, all very friendly/professional.

I then casually announce that we need to discuss the Major I came across. Everyone sits bolt upright, a look of horror and confusion across their faces.
(Everyone, that is, apart from the QA Manager, who just rolls his eyes.)

So between gritted teeth (understandable, because it is a golden rule that you don't ambush people at the closing meeting, especially not with Majors!), the CEO asks me to explain.

Instead, I point to the QA Manager - instead of looking scared/embarrassed etc, he just looks sheepish - he knows what's coming.

"Well it's like this, ten minutes into the audit, I realised I had forgotten my wedding anniversary...."

:lol:
 
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R

Roland Cooke

#62
This one, I heard several years ago, may be an urban myth. However it is so mad, it is probably true.....:tg:


Our assessor turns up for an initial audit at a medical device company. Traffic is much better than expected, so he arrives very early, but checks in at the security gate anyway.

"They won't be here for another hour, I'd be happy to show you around."

"Okay" says our auditor.

"So how many patrols do you do on the nightshift?"

"I usually go round the site two or three times."

"The whole building?"

"Yep - I'm very conscientious"

"That's commendable"

"Including in there?" [points at a particular manufacturing area]

"Yep, everywhere"

"And Buster, your guard-dog, always tags along"

"Yep".

"Everywhere?"

"Yep"



The guard and his faithful hound conscientiously patrolled the whole site at least twice every night.

Including the cleanroom.

Not often you raise a Major NCR before the Opening Meeting. :mg: :biglaugh:
 
O

ontheopenroad

#63
I swore that I would write a book about this particular audit experience (October 2003). It was my first audit with this particular company (I was fairly new to the company). I was the auditee. The auditor was a nice guy, luckily.

First, a little background. This was an assessment audit for conversion from the 1994 to 2000 standard. We were additionally adding two new offices to the scope of the certificate. We had 4 sites in total, 3 of which were to be visited. All the program directors from all sites attended the opening meeting. Prior to the opening meeting we had told all the program directors that we didn’t necessarily want to bring up the fact that some of our staff work at home. If it came out, it came out—we certainly wouldn’t hide it. But we didn’t want to unnecessarily bring it up to bring about a whole barrage of questions about how you control work-at-home staff.

So, we have the opening meeting, and the auditor asks everyone in attendance to go around the table and introduce themselves, which site they work at, and their job responsibilities. The very first person to speak says “Hi, my name is John Smith, and I work at home!” Needless to say, my boss and I looked and each other and almost fell over. That set the tone for the entire audit! Not that anything went wrong, we just had comedic moments.

We go to the second office, where we actually only have our contract administrator who works there. So, we were expecting to go see one person who is responsible for all of our contractual communication (we work on a government contract). Obviously, all contract review occurs at this site. We get there, and the contract manager walks into the conference room, with a 20-year-old-ish girl in tow. My boss and I look at each other, as we have no idea who this tag-along is. DANGER! DANGER!

So we get around to introductions, and the contract manager (Liz) introduces herself, then points to the “new girl” and says, “This is Nancy, she’s an intern her.” My boss and I had no idea this girl even existed. Later, the auditor brings up the topic of training, and asks to see Nancy’s training file. Liz said, “Oh, she’s an intern, she doesn’t need to be trained.” RED FLAG. The auditor said, “What are Nancy’s responsibilities?”. Liz replied, “She’s responsible for proofreading all of our contracts before they go to the government to be signed.” THAT DOESN’T REQUIRE ANY TRAINING—SURELY?!?

Third audit site. The program director states that associate “Betty” is extremely nervous, and hopes she won’t be picked to be interviewed. Naturally, the auditor slates Betty for the first interview. She’s a nervous wreck, but gets through easily. The auditor was good at putting her at ease. At the end of his interview, the auditor asked Betty if she had any questions for him. She asked, “Can I hug you?” PLEASE DO NOT MOLEST THE AUDITOR!

By the time this audit was over (with only one minor nonconformance which was corrected before the auditor left, by the way), my boss and I were rolling on the floor laughing at the little things that just kept adding up . . .
 

RoxaneB

Super Moderator
Super Moderator
#64
ontheopenroad said:
Third audit site. The program director states that associate “Betty” is extremely nervous, and hopes she won’t be picked to be interviewed. Naturally, the auditor slates Betty for the first interview. She’s a nervous wreck, but gets through easily. The auditor was good at putting her at ease. At the end of his interview, the auditor asked Betty if she had any questions for him. She asked, “Can I hug you?” PLEASE DO NOT MOLEST THE AUDITOR!
OMG! LOL! :lol:

There's a bumper sticker in there..."Have you hugged your Auditor today?"
 
#65
From our latest external audit:

New auditors this time... and some people from the national accreditation agency, surveying the auditors. Ok, no problem. Five people drops in and introductions start. Still no problem, so we start to dish business cards around, and one of the visitors stats squirming... and finally asks:

-Is this the forklift training class?

As it turned out he was a summer temp, coming in for his first day, and some training. He just happened to enter the building along with the auditors, and just followed the crowd. We all (Yes, including the temp) had a good laugh :lmao: , and then I helped him finding the rest of the class.

/Claes
 
#68
As an Auditor for one of the earliest ISO 9001 registars, I was a team member of the certification audit of a major power generation equipment manufacturer. In the bucket welding shop, we were checking the control of weld consumables (welding rods) in the conditioning ovens. As usual, we found someone's lunch sandwiches warming in there. So, we wrote a non-conformity: -

"In the weld shop consumables ovens, a quantity of unidentified product was observed. It couldn't be determined if it was white, wheat, rye, cheese, ham, chicken or turkey.
ISO 9001, 4.8 requires product to be identified.........":lol:

In another 3rd party audit, the Purchasing buyer went into labor just as her audit interview was completed...............Her husband said they delivered a bouncing baby boy later that evening.......to be called "Lloyd"........ after the registrar organization:lmao:

Andy
 
B

Baldrick

#69
AndyN said:
Her husband said they delivered a bouncing baby boy later that evening.......to be called "Lloyd"........ after the registrar organization:lmao:

Andy
It could have been worse - had a cheaper quote come in from another registrar the poor kid might now be answering to the name of "Det Norsk Veritas"...:)
 
#70
Baldrick said:
It could have been worse - had a cheaper quote come in from another registrar the poor kid might now be answering to the name of "Det Norsk Veritas"...:)
It occurs to me that it could have been much much worse..........."Perry Johnson":lmao:

Andy
 
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