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Subject: Fun
Date: Sat, 1 Feb 1997 03:01:35 -0400
From: seven (William Stewart)
 
Folks,
 
Just finished a 1997 version of the
ISO 9000 "Fun" Standard.
 
Hope you enjoy.
 
Use the force,
 
William Stewart
 
-------------------------------------------------------
 
                 ISO 9000 "Fun" Standard
                 -----------------------
 
                 Document number - 37IWS
                  Date effective - Today
                     Owner - Everyone
                   Approved by - No One
 
1.0  Purpose
------------
 
Standards are being written in organizations around the
world for manufacturing, documentation, software
development, and other processes.
 
However, success and failure in most organizations is
most dependent on employee satisfaction.  Employees who
describe their work as actually being "fun" are several
times as productive as those who, for example, describe
their jobs as "unrelieved, living hell without the
upside".
 
This document identifies activities to increase the
chances of having fun in the workplace.  Addition of the
final ingredient, the actual "fun" itself, can only be
done by you.
 
2.0  Definitions
----------------
 
Fun: Consisting of animation,  bliss,  buoyancy,
     cavorting,  cheer,  chuckles,  delight,  ecstasy,
     frivolity,  frolicking,  gags,  gaiety,  gladness,
     glee,  happiness,  jests,  jokes,  joviality,
     joy, laughter,  light-heartedness,  merriment,
     mirth, play,  pleasantries,  quips,  rapture,
     sport, tranquillity,  and witticism.
 
3.0  Process
------------
 
The organization shall be predisposed to cooperation,
tolerance, and goodwill.
 
3.1  Managers will:
------------------
 
-- Define their job as an employee of the rest of their
   organization.
 
-- Provide all resources required by staff to do their
   jobs.
 
-- Mandate attendance at no more than four hours of
   meetings a week.  Call regular meetings in the late
   afternoon.  Always provide an agenda.
 
-- Ensure that progress reports require less than thirty
   minutes a week to complete.
 
-- Place the highest priority on planning to make
   overtime as unnecessary as possible.
 
-- Assign responsibility, authority, and accountability
   as a single package.
 
-- Make a regular practice of MBWA (management by
   walking around).
 
-- Have lunch one-on-one with a junior member of the
   staff at least once a month.
 
-- Make it known that promotions will be based purely on
   merit, plus proof that at least one subordinate can
   do the candidate's job as well as they can.
 
-- Give credence to bottom-up estimates, refraining from
   imposition of unsupported schedules.
 
-- Provide a feedback mechanism for employees to
   communicate to the top levels.  Action constructive
   suggestions.
 
-- Ensure that marketing positively and realistically
   represents organizational capabilities.
 
-- Share credit for all successes.  Take responsibility
   for all failures.
 
-- Implement profit-sharing with all levels of the
   organization.
 
3.2  Employees will:
--------------------
 
-- Place first priority on fulfillment of the goals of
   the whole organization, refraining from construction
   of individual empires unrelated to business goals.
 
-- Respect all personnel independent of their area of
   expertise.
 
-- Share their knowledge with other personnel.
 
-- Never employ technical double-talk. Say they don't
   know when they don't know.
 
-- Write documents so they can be understood.  Prize
   brevity.  Attain clarity.
 
-- Relate to their boss the way they would like
   employees to relate to them if they were the boss.
 
3.3  Human Resources will:
--------------------------
 
-- Ensure that all personnel receive at least three
   weeks of vacation a year.  Enable at least three
   weeks of unused vacation to be carried over from one
   year to the next.
 
-- Facilitate flexible working hours.  Allow overtime
   hours to be taken in time off.
 
-- Provide all personnel with adequate medical, dental,
   and disability insurance.  Repay expenses within
   three business days.
 
-- Ensure that jerks, meanies, and evil spawn of slime
   receive corrective action, followed by psychological
   counseling if required.  Unresponsive cases will be
   allocated to peripheral groups, where they are unable
   to do damage to the rest of the organization, and
   have to work exclusively with each other until
   reformed.
 
-- Ensure that all personnel receive at least two weeks
   of training annually.
 
3.4  Facilities will:
---------------------
 
-- Ensure that all personnel can see at least three live
   plants and one outside window from their working
   area.
 
-- Ensure that bathroom stalls are at least three feet
   wide, toilet paper has a roughness level less than
   plywood, and water taps stay open at least ten
   seconds after being turned on.
 
-- Make printable whiteboards and markers in at least
   three colours available to all staff.
 
-- Provide all personnel with a computer no more than
   two generations old, a word processing, spreadsheet,
   and graphics package, and email, news group, and
   world wide web access to the internet.
 
-- Use only incandescent or full-spectrum fluorescent
   lights throughout the office area.
 
3.5 Support Staff will:
-----------------------
 
-- Eliminate bureaucracy and interdepartmental turf
   wars.
 
-- Facilitate smooth functioning of the organization in
   all aspects for which they have responsibility.
 
-- Shorten cycle times and decrease the complexity of
   processes.
 
3.6  All personnel will:
------------------------
 
-- Strive for excellence and continuous quality
   improvement in all aspects of their jobs.
 
-- Maintain a sense of humor.  Voices will never be
   raised - occasional laughter excepted.
 
-- Never promise results that cannot be delivered.
   Provide notification as far in advance as possible
   when circumstances prevent fulfillment of a
   commitment.
 
-- Never spread harmful gossip about other personnel.
   Maximize discussion of co-workers positive aspects.
 
-- Respect all co-workers as human beings of equal
   value.  Be gender, disability, religion, and colour
   blind.  Never try to increase their sense of self
   esteem by decreasing that of others.
 
-- Refrain from interrupting other members of the
   organization.  Actually listen to the opinions of
   others.  Change their minds without hesitation when
   improved ideas are advanced by others.
 
-- Refrain from complaining, making constructive
   suggestions for improvement instead.
 
-- Congratulate others at every opportunity.  Mention
   specifics.
 
-- Erase whiteboards at the end of each meeting.
 
-- Never come to work with a contagious or infectious
   illness.
 
-- Take coffee from the second pot.  Make a new pot when
   the second pot is empty.
 
-- Smile at least twice an hour for at least five
   seconds each time.
 
4.0  Exit Criteria
------------------
 
This process ends when all personnel look forward to
coming to work at the start of each day, and leave with
a real sense of joy, self-worth, and achievement.
 
Failure to have fun will not be tolerated.
 
This issue supersedes all previous versions, and
takes precedence over constitutions.
 
5.0  References
---------------
 
The following references are applicable to this
document.
 
   1. Scott Adams;  The Dilbert Principle.
 
   2. Norman Augustine;  Augustine's Laws.
 
   3. C. Northcote Parkinson;  The Law.
 
------------------------------------------------------
|
|  - Permission granted to copy, distribute,
|    modify, and reuse in any form.
|  - Send additions and requests for the latest
|    version to William Stewart at [email protected]
|
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