Thanks to all who replied,
FLOW CHART
b) determine the sequence and interaction of these processes
c) a description of the interaction between the processes of the quality management system.
-> Well this is what drives me mad about the the 9001, the ambiguity.
Look I don't expect to get spoonfed, but next you'll be telling me I can 'describe' our company flow chart in the form of a poem written in cow poop on the front wall of our office entrance - as long as I document it.
I realise that the standard has to cover a variety of industries, but are there no basic guidelines I can follow? Examples? Another companies certification? A wiki?
Reading the requirements manual one 'could' infer that you should document every single process in the company down to signing a register when helping yourself to more staples. And then document the documenting of the staple register.
Yearly, weekly, daily internal audits? Why would a daily internal audit be too much when I feel a yearly internal audit is too much. By what objective measure can I say that a yearly audit is better than doing one every 5 years?
How does a noob determine how much much detail is necessary?
It seems to me that your frustration is borne out of a lack of understanding of the 'big picture' of how the ISO 9001 requirements work, which is completely understandable! The consultants - even if they only said they'd get you to certification - didn't (apparently) do a good job of explaining anything! What were they contracted to do?
Partly, your lack of knowledge - take for example your questions about auditing - would be answered by attending a good audit training course, unless you like reading, in which case Craig Cochran's book - ISO in Plain English - is great!